Friday, October 16, 2015

Marsha & Chickee

Peep.
Marsha was my first child.  Wow.  All the wonders and other amazing stuff that starts when you begin having kids, especially dealing with girl babies, ...well that stuff started with Marsh's arrival.  After you get older and life has moved on, even memories can't explain what that whole wonderful  thing was all about.  Not to me.   Of course, at the time, for me it was perfect because I could do all kinds of nutty stuff and when someone asked me what was I doing, I could  say I was amusing Marsha.  I just luxuriated in it.  And Marsha, she would always say stuff that very often got me out of trouble.  Like that time when Rae came back from shopping early and walked in when I was bouncing a big plastic balloon off of Marsha's head.  Rae gave one look and was in the middle of "What in the world are you doing?"  When this little thing, said, "When is it my turn Daddy?"  She just seemed to (me) always to be in magical mode and she kept me in the 'can't wait to get home stage'.  It got to be such a habit, it never wore off. Even after all the kids had left the coop.
Many, many times after Rae was asleep, I would look at her, to see that expression she always wore while she was sleeping.  It didn't matter how many years passed, I could always see in her sleeping face where all that magical stuff came from. 
So I ran home a lot and never stopped. 
But this day I was downtown, Easter was coming up and in a large window of a store on Chestnut street you could see these little chicks running around, on the floor of the window.  Oh wow!    How would,
a not yet 2 year old, Marsha react to an Easter Chick.  
Thoughtless me, I never considered anything else, except mentally marveling about Marsha with the chick.  So I went in.  They put one in a corrugated carrier with air holes and I went home with a  chick inside the box.  I don't remember much about what Rae said, except, "What the hell is that noise??"
Marsha is gonna visit Chickee
Peep!
But, if you don't remember, or you never had a chick, there were a lot of peep, peep, peeps and poop on the floor and after Marsha decided we were going to keep the chick, I insisted they let it be me that cleaned up the poop.  The thing about that was, I was always away during the day and most times a lot of the early evening.  I don't remember ever seeing any poop on the floor, unless I caught the chick in the act.
So I suggested and we got a cardboard container.  I got a single edged razor (no box cutters in those days) so I could slice most of the sides off, high enough, you know,  so it would keep the chick inside.  Then I put some straw on the bottom.  That was Chickee's  home.  The whole thing was kept in the bathroom, up against the wall and under the kids dressing contraption.  And during the night we kept the bathroom door closed.
There was some minor glaring and stuff but it was nothing compared to the delight of watching Marsha and the chick.  And you could hardly hear the peeps from the bathroom during the night.  You know, hardly. . Well, days and days  passed, the chick kept getting bigger and Marsha, she insisted on helping to feed the chick and she even cleaned up a poop or two. And then, on this morning, I got up to go, I opened the bathroom door and I couldn't see the chick  when I looked into the bathroom, after being careful with the door. She was not in the box and you could see she was not anyplace in the bathroom.  It didn't take long to look around the rest of the place and, nope, no chick anywhere.  
But, I did have to go and when I reentered the bathroom and went to the john, there was the chick.  In the john.   I hadn't realized, what with her flopping around and flapping her wings, that she could navigate to out of the box, let alone get as high as the edge of the john.  
Oh, my.  Oh my.  I quickly got a paper bag to put her in.  Don't ask me how I disposed of the bag.   Then I just got back into bed.  Sleep?  Forget about it.
When Marsha got up she shook me and said, "Daddy, where is Chickee? we can't find Chickee."  The best I could do was , "Did you ask your mother?  Did you look in the closet?  How bout the lower drawers in the dresser?"  Not there or any place else.  Chickee was gone alright.. 
So I sat down with Marsha, and said, 
"Marsha, did you notice Chickee was not a person?  You know, like you, and me, and mommy?  Or even Pop Pop?" Marsha had one of her concerned, thoughtful expressions.  I continued, "Probably she went looking for her chick family so she could run around outside and not have to stay in our bathroom.  She must have gone to be with  her chick family.  Tell you what.  We are going to the beach in the summer.  When we drive down to go to the beach, in Atlantic City, we will have to pass a lot of chick families because Atlantic City is in New Jersey and that is where they have a lot of chick farms.  You remind me so I can show you some of the chick families and we  will look for Chickee." 
She sat there for a long time seemingly in thought.  Maybe more than a couple of minutes and then she got up and went over and asked Rae,
"Mommy, when we go to the beach can we go see chickee?"
 As for me, when I close my eyes, I can still see Marsha and Chickee together,  One of my best ideas, ever.

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Cavs, Lebron, & Heat

There was a basketball game, on Christmas Day
Between the Heat, and the Cavs who came to play.
With them was former Heat player, Lebron James. 
Oh my, can he drive the lane?  And remember that wild Miami Shake?
And his last second threes?  Pffffffft!!!! For him that's a piece of cake.
Yes.  Lebron James came back to play.


3 Guys with Howard
Back in Ohio he has 2 trophies on his mantel.
You can see them from a very soft seat.
But he won those trophies while he was in Miami,
At that time he was playing for the Heat.

Yep that basketball game, played on Christmas day,
It was a struggle, won by the Heat against their old teammate,
What more can I say?

There is a famous book Lebron, it says,"You Cant Go back Again."**  
That's not the way.
**(Thomas Wolfe)

Sunday, October 4, 2015

A piece of ass.

 
 
(Originally posted November,2012.)

Two years ago, late November (2012), my granddaughter, Melinda, received an email about Pilgrims.  You remember the Pilgrims, right?  The early settlers who started the whole Thanksgiving thing.  Well, the email which came before the Thanksgiving Day holiday, contained the following thought: 
Ass or Donkey
 "When the Pilgrims  prepared their meal for their planned  'feast of thanks', if they had just thought a little more and prepared and cooked a donkey for dinner, instead of cooking a cow or a turkey, we could all be having a 'piece of ass' at this time every year to celebrate Thanksgiving"

Thank you Melinda.


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Saturday, August 1, 2015

Never, NEVER do that again, dept.

I tell Dr. Fernando-Sende, my primary doctor, that all my present health problems are his fault.
"What?"
"Well if you weren't taking such good care of me, my bus would have hit me long ago"   And I believe that because I keep doing some dumb things.  Like when he made an appointment for me with Dr Lilenbaum because tests showed I don't have very many platelets.


Good thing I didn't see this first!!!
Lilenbaum says, "We have to get to the bottom of this, you don't have any platelets at all."   In an exam room a few days later, this results in my getting on a table, face down, with my back bare, and most of my butt showing.  Then he gets this big  #*@*ing  needle that he is going to use to suck out some marrow stuff from my spine to analyze . . . . .

The right SPOT.

So, naturally, to lighten the atmosphere, you know, I begin to tell him my best lawyer joke,  Seemed like a good idea to me..  Well anyway I get to the punch line just as he has the needle entering  a serious area, and . . . . he busts out laughing. . . . .
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Friday, July 24, 2015

TOP TEN Lawyer Joke

Just south of Miami a guy is hitchhiking. He's on Rt. #1, the straightaway to Key West.  Its July.  Its hot as hell and nobody is stopping.
After a while, he thinks he has to change, try something new, so  he turns his collar around  and holds up a poster sign that says "Clergy". . . .Nobody stops.
So, he changes the sign again, holds it up, it says, 'Physician"  Nobody even close to stopping.  Sweat is running all over him, the signs are going no where, he wants to give up. Find some shade. But the memory of his last visit to Key West prevails. He makes a new sign, holds it up, it says,  'Attorney' . . . . .

He sees a brand new 2015, red Mercedes convertible, its top is down, and a beautiful blond is driving.  It passes by him.  But then the rear brake lights go on, and the car stops.  He runs over. He opens the door and sees this vision, what a beautiful young lady? With cleavage, like in a well filled sexy bathing suit. And with her skirt, way up high, showing gorgeous legs right  up to her bod. She looks over at  him and she says,
"Hey, . . . . . .you look pretty young . . . .
How long have you been a lawyer, anyway?"
He gets in the car. With gawking eyes staring at her, and he says,  "Only five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."

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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Trump vs Coking . . . ('Hair' Overmatched)

Vera's 3 story Bldg. & Trump Plaza
This is a story about Donald Trump, who now wants to be president, but it starts with the story of gambling in Atlantic city.
The combination of gamblers, suckers, and the prospect of making mucho money was just to much for the bosses in New Jersey, to resist.  So when politicians put casino gambling for Atlantic City on the ballot in New Jersey, one of the hottest spots to corral campaign volunteers, was a practically new high-rise building near the boardwalk in Ventnor.  A city that abuts Atlantic City.  The high-rise building was the residence of senior citizens, who are high percentage voters, and many of its residents, who had fought hard to promote Affordable Housing for Seniors near the beach and boardwalk, they lived there, in this new hi- rise building.  They fought that struggle and they won ..  Now, the politicians swarmed all over the place like locusts.  They came in with all kinds of fresh danish and coffee sit downs. They came in with coffee klatches, they came in with  promises, and, well . . . what do you want to hear from a politician?  That time period, the time just before the election for gambling , it was lively and life was fun.  It was an enjoyable time to be a senior citizen in Atlantic City.  Hatchets were buried, new friends were made, and . . . . you had to be there.  The excitement of the election itself, the free stuff, bubbly too, the singing and the dancing on the boardwalk,  and the sheer joy  . . . . Especially after the election was over.  The boardwalk.  People locked arm in arm in arm. Singing, dancing, " We won!! We won!!  We won!!"  Oh my, oh my . . . all over the place. You could not escape the frivolity (I think that's the right word). Boy oh boy. Life was good.

Like most of our elections, this one was held on a Tuesday. 
The election is over, its not much more than 3 weeks later, when a senior lady resident of the Ventnor high-rise comes into the lobby with tears in her eyes.  Her lease is up 2 months following next month and the letter she was waving, it was her 30 day notice.  It told her, her lease would not be renewed. 
I don't like maudlin stuff so, if you are reading this, I won't bore you with lies poop, or true poop, or condo conversions,  or stories about 'politicians trying to get richer', lets just fast forward to the glitz making of Atlantic City, and the changing face of the Boardwalk . . .
The gold rush is on, hotels and motels have been built and new ones are starting all over the  place.  The 'White House Sub Shop' is flourishing and so  much money is being made that Trump has one of his strokes of genius.  He will build a Trump Plaza Hotel in Atlantic City.  He's more than a little late but with such a super famous name, surely it will attract the tourists away from the other casino places . . . . ..
His real-estate acquisition agent suggests a particular property.  It was not the best site.  The best sites brought fantastic prices and were already sold.  His site was not as big as he would have liked, but that will help him get it at a lower price.  And there is a  property next to the site, a 3 story apartment building that the owners of the hotel site (2 good friends of my friend Jerry) who sold the property to Trump, had tried  to buy.  It was perfect for additional on-site parking.  And after all, who could resist the Trump charm.   Certainly not the owner, a littlish old lady, he'll buy that property too.  Piece of cake.
All this is not new news. The lady, Vera Coking, became a local legend, folklore stuff.  One of the mildest things the 70 year old said about Trump, "If he's waiting for me to die, he has a long wait."   She did not like the Donald or the methods he used trying to buy her property. She did not like that thing that sits on his head, or anything else named Trump. Time passed.  She became like a senior rock star in Atlantic City..  And, as I said, in an earlier post, "Trump in charge of a gambling casino?  No way.  Gambling interests know their business and they are brutal when it comes to 'in fighting'.  Up against them, he is a pussy.  He was in over his head."  At the time of the opening of Trump Plaza my friend Jerry was there.  He attended opening nite and he received what he considered one of his highest compliments ever.  They threw him out.  He was ushered out of the casino, with some modest winnings, and told to never co-me back because they had his picture and he was not welcome at Trump Plaza.  "They think I'm a card counter", he said with what could only be described as 'glee'. 
Its a bird. Its a plane. Its The Donald's hair!!
I cant help it.  Right now I'm laughing.  Every time I think of it, I'm laughing.  Tears literally come into my eyes.  His phone call to me, I lived in Ohio at the time, about being tossed out of Trump Plaza, is such a wonderful memory.  Jerry was such a gambling loser (sucker) that when he told one of the hotel owners of the casino where he did his gambling,  that his friend (meaning me) was coming for a  visit with him for a week or so, they sent one of their limos to the airport to get me and my lovely wife Rae. The airport is in Philadelphia.  Only sixty (60) miles away.  That's 120 miles both ways. They also used one of their limos to take us back to the Philadelphia airport 10 days later,when we went back to Florida.  Jerry had told them I gambled too, more magic  words, and everything, hotel rooms, free dining in one of Atlantic City's finest restaurants, etc. became 'on the house'.  It may be my imagination but it seems to me that if you're the beneficiary of such largess, having fun is much more enjoyable.
Getting back to Vera and the underside of the birds-nest.  What we are dealing with here is the ultimate test of raw power.  Bristling little old lady VS 'proud to be a mogul' guy with extraordinary hair, giant ego, very ambitious and with very 'green' political connections .....
Remember, this is really happened stuff.  By the time Trump agreed to  a price acceptable to Vera his tactics had irritated Vera to the point she told him, 'its not for sale at any price'. Sounds like a movie. 
But, talk about power, the city filed to take Vera's property away from her, by 'Eminent Domain'.  (A legal land grab  tactic to be used only in matters verifiably 'for the good of the community'.)   Get  the hell out of here!!! 
But I'm not impressed with this display of Trump's power or connections.  After all it is Atlantic City which is in New Jersey.  Doing  stuff like that  in New Jersey is practically legal.  I'm sure Trump, with his money, thought it was automatic.  But, even if it was legal (turned out it wasn't) or automatic, that didn't stop it from being disgusting.  And evidently it didn't pass muster with others because Vera pulled another rabbit out of her hat and prevailed.  Figure this one out, even in a 'piece of cake' like this, Trump came out second. Parking at Trump Plaza remained a problem.
Vera told friends she had considered selling a coupla times but Trump  rubbed her the wrong way and she would not sell to him.  She said the Donald 'was a maggot, a cockroach, and a crumb,' in that order.  I disagree, calling Trump a crumb, that's a little much. 
But everything changes and today, gambling in New Jersey is in a different situation.  Both  New York and Pennsylvania, each now have legalized gambling.  The high rollers from these states, who all went to the Las Vegas of the east, come less often.  Some stopped coming altogether.  As for Trump Plaza, it was not around for the early prosperity like the other hotels, and it is slated to close in September . (It closed 09/2014) The hotel closed without a larger parking lot.  Trump is a genius???  He's a loser. He doesn't even know where our president was born.  Cmon.  That GOP sound bite that was created just to make sure that racists and haters  voted.  You know how they do on Fox News.  But Trump, he says he still believes it.. 
Here is what I think about Donald Trump.  I can't explain Ivanna his first wife. lovely lady.  Except she met him when he was young, you know, when he still had his first hair.  But all the other good looking babes, who came afterwards, who are drawn to him by the aura of money, or getting on TV shows, they must be afraid to tell him what they really think about that bird's nest.  I bet he wears that thing to bed. I really think he does. 
And, I also think that the line, the one the witch used in the Disney film, is the same as what the Donald says to his mirror, with 'fake hair jelly' in his  hand,  before he gets into bed.  If memory serves me  . . It goes something like, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me,  who is the fairest one of all?"

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Monday, June 29, 2015

The end of the world!

End of the world is coming.
One of the reasons I was a good salesman was, I had this ability to anticipate or recognize what the prospect was thinking. And I discovered this ability of mine related to everyone regardless of how the prospect's educational background related to my personal education.  But when I doubled up with Herbie, who worked for the same company and was  considered a good salesman, I discovered a tactic other salesman used that I didn't.  Its called lying.  In the herbie instance after our first stop, I told him if he wanted me to stay for the rest of the week, I would have to do all the talking. That meant he minimalized his participation in the sales talk.
For whatever reason I was never a good liar and for sure I am not comfortable telling lies. I don't know if a poor memory is responsible but I could never remember stuff other people seemed to have no trouble with. Like faces and names. But I was always very inventive at embellishing answers and using statements that were true to make my point.
Later, when I started teaching kids how to play tennis I made a discovery.  Not one kid heard the same thing, from what I said, even though they all heard the same words and saw the same physical demonstration.  And few heard what I would have heard, if I was the listener.  (Which is what most people think is happening.)  So I always preferred teaching one on one as opposed to group teaching. I never had a kid I could not teach how to play regardless of their intellectual or physical condition. I taught a few wheel chair tennis beginners.
Why?  Because I accepted the 'everyone is different'  proposition.  Even twins, when you are talking to one, the other is in a different position, therefore the circumstances would never be exactly the same for the input of information..  When they are babies, your pronunciation would be different, your smile would be different, a good part of everything is different.... you get the point.
So I came to the conclusion we are all in our own world. Each and every one of us. The prediction that the world is going to end was correct.  In my opinion, every time someone passes, that individual's world ends.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

FIRE??? Where??


(Born too soon?) I'm in South Beach walking slowly along Washington Ave., near Joe's Stone Crabs on Second Street, in Miami Beach,  when a very pretty, curvaceous girl overtakes and walks right in front of me. On the bare mid portion of her back is a tattoo. I have to quicken my pace to read what the tattoo says. Its located in the lower center of her back just above a red arrow.   'Two words', that's all.  They're above a prominent downward pointing red arrow:

The arrow is in the exact middle of her back. The point of the arrow is in the center of her back and  a portion of the arrow tip is under the top of the bottom part of her very low cut jeans, The two words are above the arrow:   The words read;


'Fire Below'

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Saturday, April 25, 2015

Stella

In Europe Stella was a diva and she starred in a touring opera group.  The European 'BeyoncĂ©' of her day. She sang in many of the leading operas and was well known by the opera aficionados in the cities that were on the troupe's itinerary... 
Opera in progress
 She married a well known impresario who taught music at a highly regarded music university and he conducted the orchestra for the major opera companies  in Europe. They played the leading opera palaces in Italy, France, the United Kingdom and around the world. Time went by and then more time went by and when retirement was in the offing they decided to come to the States. Why? How they landed on Miami Beach?  I don't know.

As a volunteer for the city of Miami Beach I ran a tennis program teaching kids to play tennis at North Shore Park,in Miami Beach.  That's how I met Stella because she was a tennis  player and their apartment was near North Shore Park. She sometimes played tennis during the day and almost every weekend.  Her husband gave piano lessons at a friend's home where they kept their giant sized Steinway Grand Piano.
 

Whenever there was a dispute at the tennis center Stella would represent the players at the park and appear at commission meetings. She was not bashful and indeed was a handsome lady with flaming red hair, and boy oh boy she made quite a figure when arguing her cause at the meetings. 
Time kept marching on and Stella and her husband arranged to move to and live in Miami in a retirement home for seniors.  She told me about it.  They had to assign all of their money to the home so that they would fit into a certain qualification category with the state.  One that paid a higher fee to the home for seniors who were without any resources.
Her husband's health had been deteriorating for several years, and at the home they were able to get a comfortable double room that was near a well staffed clinic on the premises. In the years at the home she was totally engaged with taking care of her husband. Then on a Friday night, he appeared to be in distress and to need a doctors attention.  But the doctors at the clinic were off for the weekend and therefore no doctor was available.

Stella didn't hesitate, she called 911. When the ambulance came and took him to an area hospital, Stella went inside the ambulance to be with her husband.
Officials at the clinic were not pleased at what Stella had done and after he returned to the clinic from the  hospital they made it difficult for her when she visited him. For example she wanted to stay overnight in the room with him, but they would not let her and were very officious with their refusal.. He passed away and all this stuff, that was happening now, was about a year later.  She had called me and asked me if I would come to an official meeting at the home which included a hearing to upgrade her health condition.  The home officials wanted to transfer her to a less expensive room in a recently built new ALF. But she didn't want to leave her apartment. Everyone in the complex knew her and she was available to help them with anything they wanted or needed. The home thought of her as a pain in the ass but residents in her complex considered her a friend and were very upset.

The meeting room was a normal sized conference room with a large rectangular table in the center.  It had high backed wooden chairs to seat ten.  Four on each side of the table and one at each end.  Stella sat alone on one side and there were three representatives from the facility sitting on the other side.
I went over to Stella got a hug and kiss and sat in the chair beside  her. I took her hand.  I knew the head of the facility
because I have appeared with him at fund raisers. He was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the table and chaired the meeting. 


Opera singer on tour in Europe
The meeting started and one by one items were taken care of til finally the Stella item came up, it was several pages worth. They were requesting an upgrade of Stella's health, blah, blah, blah.  At the end I requested an opportunity to speak and it was granted. I didn't say much but I did ask if it was 'usual for the facility to make such a request' regarding someone who was a resident for so many years. Turns out they had never done it before.  I spoke my piece adding a little drama and the meeting ended a short period later. The State representative nodded to me and called me over to where she was sitting. She told me they were not going to upgrade Stella because even tho she was in good health and qualified for the upgrade, her advanced age and other considerations qualified her for the accommodations she was already in.  I went over to Stella and told her, she kissed me and hugged me.  Stella, I said, how the hell do you keep your hair looking so beautiful?  She laughed and said that's a secret. I'm not even going to tell you.  Thank you Howard.  Thank you, you don't know how alone you are, how alone you feel, until you are sitting by yourself in a situation like this one.  For me that last hug said it all.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

GOP - 2016 'Alone Survivor'

Pinocchio? Who's he?


 


I did not cheat on my  school exams.
                          "Do not argue with an idiot. He will try to drag you
down to his level and beat you with experience."

No! I don't want to go on no trip!!


Get ready for the new
 2016 segment of 'Alone Survivor'.  Sponsored by the GOP.
Far as I'm concerned, the 2012 edition will be hard to beat.
Old Mitt Romney ran for Prez
E I, E I, Oh.
With a Mitt Mitt here
And a Mitt Mitt there
Here a Mitt, There a Mitt
Everywhere a Mitt, Mitt
Old Mitt Romney
Ran for Prez
E I, E I Oh.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Hugo found a rose.

 

Anybody who knows me has heard me proclaim, "There is only one thing I hate about kids and every kid does it.  This does not apply to Hugo who for sure did it too but he is still Hugo. (They become adults)

Hugo and Rose.
I met Hugo when he was putting the last inch on his 6 foot 4 frame.  Hugo always did stuff as if it was enjoyable to do. What was he doing?  Didn't matter..  And if you wanted something done, just ask Hugo, he wouldn't say no.  If he was already on a schedule that left him only a few minutes to eat and doing your thing meant he had to miss a meal, he missed the meal. And for sure, whatever he was doing, got done. Teachers were amazed at his ability to find the time to do stuff.  It was like a challenge to some of them. "Well he cant have time to do this so I will ask him and he will have to say he doesn't have the time."  But he always said yes, and then did it. 
He would come to the tennis courts immediately after school for an hour of tennis instruction. When I learned about  his schedule I made sure I was always timely.  So he became a good tennis player.  But his tennis problem was demonstrated in a tournament at the Arthur Ashe Tennis Center.  In the third round he was playing a pretty good palyer, the 2nd seed, they were in a tie breaker in the 3rd set and Hugo was so sleepy he was yawning all over the place and almost fell asleep. 

If you know Hugo and can go . . .rsvp
One Saturday he called me, on his cel, and I went to where he was, a few blocks from my home, on Alton Road with his van nestled against a Melaleuca tree. "Hugo, What happened?"  "Mr. Howard, I really don't know.  I was driving up this street and suddenly I am against this tree."  "Ok Hugo, take it easy.  I know just what  happened.  This a famous tree, he likes to snuggle against cars and he loves vans. And if he sees anyone from Columbia driving this way, he jumps into the street, right in front of you,  and if you hit him he jumps back to where he was, pulling you and your van with him so he can snuggle."  Hugo should patent the way he would look at you and kind of laugh or giggle when he heard nonsense like that.
The story about what happened to Hugo after he graduated from Beach High is elsewhere on this blog.  If it had happened while school was in session the whole school would have turned out in outrage.  What did happen demonstrates how ugly public officials can be and what ugly things they do for political reasons.   But Hugo took it in stride.   


Back in Columbia with the help of a
Hugo likes Ecclesiastes stuff.

tennis scholarship, he graduated from college, and he is now in, of all places, New Zealand.  The first country to give women the right to vote.  A country where, to get elected, politicians have to show voters they care about their word.  They care about people.  And they care about their country.  And, get this, they vote for the things they tell the voters they're for.    You know, just like in our country, the good old US of A, where  politicians had to do similar stuff to get elected, once upon a time .  .  .
Well anyway Hugo is in New Zealand, and . . . Hugo found a rose.