Economics 101(or less)

 


Tax out of their paycheck.

Say what?  Are you saying our biggest companies in this country, who make the most money, don't pay taxes?  Or practically no Taxes.(According to trickle down Republicans that's the American way.)  OK, but how the hell do they do it? 
Let me simplify and explain one way, which was told to me many years ago, 1974 I think, when I asked Jerry, my best friend and an officer for Reynolds & Company, (which, with progressions, morphed into Morgan Stanley)a simple question. 
"Jerry I just came back from the Bahamas and I have a question for you.  On Bay Street in Nassau there is a small building, it doesn't look much like an office building, and the walls of the outside of the building are covered with lots and lots of official company plaques.  As a matter of fact there are so many of them you can hardly see the walls of the building.  Those plaques show the names of some of our largest well known corporations."


Jerry, "You mean like U.S. Steel?" 
"As I matter of act  I think I did see  a plaque for U.S. Steel."
Jerry, "Look I got some work to do so if you don't interrupt me, I'll explain it to you. But don't interrupt me.  Goes like this, lets say a US corporation sells a $1million dollar shipment of their product out of the country to, say France.  The entire shipment including, shipping, labor, material and all other operating expenses cost them a half million, ($500,000.00).  Even you know if they don't  include the $500.000.00 profit in their income statement, it is not subject to income taxes.  Here is how they can do that because of a page in the tax code that was sponsored by lobbyists..
They form a Bahamian Corporation which becomes a subsidiary they own.  It can be in a building on Bay  Street with their plaque on the outside.  That's the building you saw.  Got it?  Keep quiet.   I'm  in a hurry.  They use this company as their foreign sales agent.  Then they tell the French company, the one they have this deal with, that the deal will be with their sales agent corp., in Nassau.  Next, they sell the shipment to the Bahamian.company who in turn sell it to the foreign buyer in France.  The Nassau company pays $501,000.00 to the parent US company ($1.000.00 taxable profit) for the shipment and they (Nassau) bill and receive $1,000.000.00 from the French buyer. Don't talk..  All the work, shipping,etc.,  occurs as a normal transaction for each company,   Result, the foreign sales agent makes $499,000.00 profit and since Nassau has no income tax." 
"What happens to the money?  The profit?"
"I knew you couldn't keep quiet.  Why do you think some of the biggest banks in the world have branches in Nassau and the Cayman Islands?  The money remains out of the US and if they invest it and earn interest, no taxes are paid on that either.  Until the U.S. company can think of ways to bring it back in without paying U.S. taxes.  Like say borrowing.  If they do that they even have a chance of charging themselves interest which is of course tax deductible. Or their lobbyists can get a bill passed to allow returning the money to the US at some low rate.   Now you can talk, I'm finished, but I do have to go."
"OK goodbye, thank you." 
Its a different story now, much more sophisticated, they now build complete facilities, infrastructure and all, and call them foreign companies, even if they own or control it.  That company,  legally, for U.S. tax purposes, is in a foreign land using much cheaper labor further reducing costs.  It can also lend money to the US company..  As an example you could take an entire business.  Say computer manufacturing.   Sell the whole shebang  to a foreign company and change the name of the product. That should complete the picture.  Now it looks like a product produced in the foreign country, say China, Korea, or India, which it is. But when it happened before it was recognized as a U.S. company. 
So that's the story of what businesses in this country are doing and where its  headed.  Are they creating more jobs here?.  No. Well a few new jobs, yes but all plant workers are in the foreign country..  More lobbyists are used to help stop regulations from stopping them and also to put new pages in the tax code.   All with the full cooperation and endorsement of  politicians who tell you how much they love the U.S.
P.S.  Today its much simpler. Building new factories and superstructure in foreign countries with money 'earned' in the good old US makes good business sense.  Patriotism? Just a word.

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What ???

 

Honey bee.

Scientists in the United Kingdom, searching for new ways to detect  bomb  making materials, came up with a great detection device.  Its used when searching local storage facilities or suspicious shipments from out of the country.  A new UK funded company, Insentinel, discovered how to sensitize the tongue (proboscis) of honeybees.  This is what the  honeybees use to gather honey.  When sensitized, the bees associate the scent of various explosive compounds with food.  And it only takes minutes to sensitive the bees.  After that they can detect scents with part-per-trillion sensitivity.


Using a hand-held infrared device with the latest technology, including a light emitting diode (LED), the device shoots out an IR beam (like the TV remote).  If the IR beam causes 17 or more bees, from a team of 36 bees, to stick out their tongues at the same time, an alarm goes off.  In British tests the device is much superior to present methods of bomb detection. 

I guess the bees go back to the hive at the end of a day's work.  And one assumes they get plenty of time for gathering honey and other bee activities.

This has me wondering if some of that sensitizing stuff hasn't rubbed of on me because every tine I hear some politician spewing horse poop I want to stick my tongue out and give them a razz-berry.

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AT&T

                                          

"Phone rings.  "Good morning is this Mr.Kaufman?"

Yes, it is."

"This is a customer satisfaction call from AT&T.  is there something you can call our attention to to improve our service to you?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes,  this is not a sales call.  Mr. Kaufman, we are compiling a list of things we can do to make our customers more satisfied with our service."
"Well, can I explain why I have a gripe and how I think it developed?"
"Yes.
"But, it may take a couple of minutes." 
"Of course Mr Kaufman, that's why I'm calling." 

"OK.  I know how hard AT&T works to improve their bottom line and including now when times are  very difficult.  So . . . .I can imagine the boardroom and  I can just hear the executive explaining his suggestion, "Charge card companies, banks and others who bill customers on a regular basis started charging late fees some years ago, seemingly without regard to the amount due and  if the fees were
considered interest charges, they would be very high indeed,  And not only that, in addition they would still charge the interest because it was two different charges. The point being, they have been doing this for so long now, complaints are now down to an ignorable range.  So I prepared this graph which shows the following.  Every month we have tens of thousands of customers who pay late.   If we would charge them a late fee of say $5.00 I don't think there would much resistance and if you times the amount of late payers by the fee and then times that by twelve months and then deduct the amount for a small number of lost customers . . . . I think you can see, happy stockholders."

"Mr. Kaufman . . ."
"Wait, please . . . for me personally I am investigating changing to another carrier because in my case I have 2 lines and recently you began sending me 2 separate bills.  Which means, when I came back from a trip to Atlanta and the bill came due while I was away, I was charged 2 late fees.  So I'm investigating changing to another company.  I will be comparing   DSL speed, fees charged for being late, both lines on one bill, and the monthly charges."
"Mr. Kaufman why don't you pay on-line? It will be so convenient and no more fees?"



"As a matter of fact I am going to put it on my American Express Card, but I'm not putting it on the for that reason.  I'm irritated at what they are doing to customers like and I know American Express charges AT&T a collection fee, which, by the way, you don't offer to me if I pay on time.   And, AMEX gives prize points that I can use to get gadgets from their catalog which may include can openers.  I just broke my old, favorite, reliable, can opener.  Thinking of AT&T  buying me a new can opener is making me smile."

I already have enough points for a can opener and because the  young lady was so nice (an excellent hire)  I think I'll take an extra month or so with my investigation.

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Santa

 

Gale, age 7



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Marsha's younger sister Gale, age 8,  who was 4 years younger than Marsha,  ran up to me as I got out of my car; "Daddy, daddy",
I could see deep concern in her eyes.
"What is it honey?"
Verna said there is no Santa Clause.
So, I got back into the car with Gale and explained.
Tears were rolling down that beautiful face and she said,
"Does Marsha know?"

Golf (Or politics?)

I was an officer of the local Miami Beach golf club, then Bayshore,  and I was late to the regular monthly meeting.  When I arrived I hear Hal Hertz say, "and so we will have to pay a 50% increase in the annual fee because its already in the proposed budget that way."  Everyone was groaning when I raised my hand. 

"How did they reach the amount from members in the proposed budget ?".  Hal says.

"They increased the fee by 50% and multiplied it by the number of members."

"What happens if we get one less than the current membership?  How do they make the loss up?"

Hertz, "It comes out of the general fund."

"Oh good.  Its simple then, no problem. We tell them we are going to have 50% more members.  We multiply the present fee by the anticipated  number of members for the coming year and the proposed budget figure will come out to the same number they have now.  If we don't get that many members, the shortfall comes out of the general fund."  The members thought this was a good idea, so we voted and next year's fee remained the same.
A year or two later, when I became president, and with me presiding at a board meeting,Hal makes a motion that we increase the family membership fees.  Everyone on the board had a single membership and after discussion it appeared it was going to be passed.  Speaking last, I said I was against it because it would be divisive and we should realize that next year they would want the fees for singles increased and the family members would then be on their side, with justifiable reason.  "And", I added, "I am going to post the minutes of this meeting on the men's and lady's bulletin boards stating the motion was made by Hal and seconded by . . . . ",    Hal raised his hand and withdrew the motion.

From left-Lenny Weinstien, Murray Sheldon, 
JudgeJerry Klein, Mayor Harold Rosen, HGK

When I was Tournament Director, Murray Sheldon, playing in a tournament, came off the 18th green and emphatically asked me how the hell did his opponent get such a ridiculous handicap.  It was easily 6 or 7 strokes too high, he said.  So later I posted the opponent's name as the winner of their  quarterfinal match.  When Murray saw the draw sheet he said,  "What's the hell is matter with you?  Why isn't my name up there.  I won that match."

Jitterbug

 

During the summer when I was a kid in Philadelphia, you could rent a street for the purpose of having a private street block party.  A promoter rented a street from the city close to where I lived. And then he rented out space on the street for stands, to sell  hot dogs, or spin-the-wheel games or whatever, and at the end of the row of stands, on the street, was a jukebox,  So you could dance right there in the street to swing music. Just put a coin in the jukebox and select your song. 
You couldn't help seeing this young teenager with her long pony tail and swinging rump, gyrating to music by Benny Goodman, or Glenn Miller, or Tommy Dorsey, or Jimmy Dorsey, or Woody Herman, etc.  



Rae,WOW!!

I didn't know Rae at the time but I think I was smitten.
Some years later I was in the corner drug store where I used the pay telephones to make my bets on sports games.   I overheard someone say Jake was going to ask this 'still a teenager' (Rae) for a date. I did not care for Jake.  I used a term then, as I do now for guys like him, ***hole.  And when I found out the teenager was Rae, it really bugged me.

The father of a good friend of mine, Alan, was the box office manager at the Schubert Theater on Broad Street, in Philadelphia.  It was our best local theater.  So I asked Mr. Franks if he could get me some tickets to the show in his theater.  As it happened the show was in the last two weeks on the road, before opening on Broadway.  Ethel Merman, the biggest musical comedy star of the time, was in it, it had  rave, smash hit reviews and it was sold out for almost two years in New York.  And I got 4 tickets.  Then I called and asked Rae a question she couldn't refuse,
"Did she want to go to the show?"   (Guys and Dolls) 

We had never met but she knew who I was,  And I had dated Bernice Polish, a good friend of her older sister.  God knows  how I got passed Bernice's review, but the date was made.

The ultimate result; I found out the meaning of ,

"Happily Ever After".

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Beginning of happily ever after.(HEA)

Rae & Howard

Rae and I were  married on the second floor of Lew Tendler's (the boxing champion) restaurant on Broad Street.  A popular Philadelphia bar and restaurant  that didn't usually host weddings.  The Chupa  was a tablecloth stretched over 4 standing upright coat  hangers, one underneath each corner of the tablecloth.  Until I went to the wedding of Ross Dubins and his beautiful bride Veronica, with Rabbi Abromowitz's outstanding Service, I always considered my wedding the finest, most unique possible.

Sam 'Cappy' Hoffman

Our biggest wedding gift, $200.00, came from Sam 'Cappy' Hoffman.   Cappy was known as an underworld boss, under Nucky Johnson the political leader of Atlantic City.  One time Cappy got arrested in Philadelphia and was put on trial by a DA who was enjoying the publicity because it helped his political career.  The judge told the jury, "there is not enough evidence on any of the charges, except, maybe one, so you only have to find on that one charge."   Cappy was so notorious the jury found him guilty on all charges.  When he was put on probation he used his brother's butcher shop on 60th street in W. Philadelphia as his place of employment.  Rae was a teenage school girl at the time but she was also cooking for the family and she shopped for meat at Hoffman's Butcher Shop.  Cappy was there for many months, sitting on a chair on the customer's side, where the only work he ever did was chat with the customers.  Rae got to know him, but only as the younger brother of the butcher shop's owner.
Cappy also knew me because I did a favor for a good friend of his.  And then he did one for me when a bookmaker tried to renege on one of my rare winning baseball parlay bets.  Cappy heard about it and told  Gimpy,  who had collected my winnings from my bookmaker, "Pay the kid his money!"  Once, when some friends and I were going to a Phillies' baseball game, Gimpy asked if he could go in the car with us.  We said ok and while we were in a line for tickets a cop came over, pulled gimpy out of the line, and said, "Gimpy!  Where the hell do you think you're going?"  The cops knew him,  He had a record as a pickpocket and was banned from attending public events.
Benny Street, until he moved to Miami Beach, lived in Philadelphia.  He  had interests in hotels on Miami Beach and was one of Cappy's friends. I knew Benny's son, Harlan.   Harlan went to UM and became a lawyer with offices on Miami Beach.  When we got married it was off season and Benny got us 2 weeks, at the price for 1 week, at the Sands Hotel, 16th and Collins Avenue, on the ocean in Miami Beach.
While driving down we stopped to eat at a  restaurant in Georgia and after sitting without getting served for about 15 minutes Rae went into the restroom. A waitress followed her in, came out and told the other waiters it was just a tan.  We got good service after that but the food wasn't worth the wait.
Miami Beach, what can I say?   Restaurants like Joe's, Walter Kaplan's Embers, first time we ever saw a glass covered cart, filled with mouth watering desserts, brought right to your table.  Then there was Sonny's  Pizza and great Chinese restaurants.  And the weather. And the ocean.  But mostly, it was the weather.  But it could rain, pouring like hell for 10 or 15 minutes, and then the sun came out with no clouds anywhere.  Until 20 minutes later.  Rae and I would dash to take the elevator to our room.   The first time it happened there were a few people waiting at the elevator and I said, so they could hear, "I'm tired of playing gin.  How bout if I teach you how to play pinochle?"  And Rae was Rae. She gave me a good pinch and I said, "ok, ok, stop that.  How bout bridge?"  I'm not telling you what she answered,  but when we got to the room I never taught her either one nor did I say anything like that again during the rest of our honeymoon..
On the 1,100 mile drive home the brakes of the car  broke down, just south of Washington, D.C.  Our entire family bankroll was in my pocket, $35.00.  It was enough to fix the car, fill up with gas, and when we got home, I still had almost $5.00.  And then, much later, at the end of the fifties, we made Miami Beach our home.

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Hey You !! Pee in a bottle





Gov. Rock Scott

Politically savvy business people find it easy to make money.. Just find a way to suck it from the government.  If this means a program developed by the government to help people, the very programs they fought against, exceeds its budget, so what?  So what? These programs mostly just help people who need help.  And I find it quite natural the governor would be opposed to regulations.. His company violated a few when he was head honcho.  Can you believe his company had to use 1½ billion of the dollars they had fraudulently collected from Medicare and Medicaid to pay the fines they were penalized for committing the fraud.  And with the rules so lax, the governor should be ashamed of himself.  I mean about getting caught.   But making money that way, if you can sleep with it, can help you have enough money to run for political office. Right, gov?
Hmmm trivia .....How rich would the governor of Florida be, if there was no Medicare or Medicaid?   One could assume he would have founded a similar company to suck from another Federal  program designed to help people who need help.  My moneys' on the gov.  Hey gov, do you see the potential?  You can start  a new educational institute as an opportunity to make money from the new federal programs, designed to help returning vets advance their education.  Piece of cake. 
In other words the people who make it necessary to have rules protecting  taxpayer’s money, are also the ones who are against any regulations.  That makes sense.  And it also makes sense to take the 5^th to protect yourself from the possibility of going to the slammer.   Its hard to run for political office if you're in jail.   I bet when  the Grand Jury was questioning the gov about  breaking laws, if they had also asked him to pee into a bottle he would have taken the 5th for the 76th time. 

I flew in a  2 seater, 2 seats in a row under a canopy, single wing  airplane.  If you had to go, you used what was called a pilot's relief tube. Its a funnel on the end of a tube which guides the pee out of the plane through the tube.  It ends sticking out at the bottom of the fuselage of the plane..  In those day if you were walking sown the street and you felt something like drizzle, it might  not have been rain.  But that's about all I knew about peeing into bottles until I aged a little.. When I heard he wanted people, some of whom voted for him, to pee into bottles, it bothered me.
I thought, "Women too?"
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St John (Or, move over)





 As a fifth grader, St John Fortune was not only # 1 in chess in the State of Florida he was also # 1 in math in the State of  Florida.  And he was in the 94th percentile in reading.  And at the  the National Chess Championship Tournament, held in the State of  Arizona, he was undefeated.  His elementary school,  Toussaint Lourvature, finished 3rd in the tournament.  St. John, like I said, was undefeated in competition and he did all of this this stuff before he received a computer from Dwight's Computers for Kids.  
The next day, after he got his Dwight's computer, he called to tell me he had put a password in the bios and forgot what it was. 

When I went to the apartment to reset the password, I learned his oldest sister had an arguement with her boyfriend and they split.  She had just come home with her 6 month old baby to live with the rest of the family. The thing is, hold on to your hat, John was already living with 11 siblings in this 3 bedroom apartment. The answer to the question you are thinking, is: I don't know, but I'll try .
 

HGK, Benjamen, and St. John

The family gave her one of the bedrooms to share with one sister and that meant everyone else had to make room.  The bedroom I visited had the computer in the middle of the near wall and the chair fit in the space between two sets of bunk beds  Each was each stacked three high against the side walls with a stool on the floor between the beds. 

Everybody, even little Benjamen, who was always naked and running around wherever, and kept grabbing me by the leg and banging on the computer keyboard.  He, like everyone else behaved as if nothing unusual had happened. 

After his father lost his job, they all moved to a 2 bedroom apartment. 

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Lice

With lice you have to be unconventional. You rub a good supply of sand and plenty of alcohol into the scalp and then wait. After the lice get drunk and start fighting, they will throw rocks at each other until they kill each other off.

President of the United States of America

 

The President, Barack Obama

During former President Bush's term of office I was asked for my opinion of what he was doing.  What I said included, I did not  vote for him but since he was now the  president, and for as long as he was, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and my support.
"I believed then and I believe now he had a child-like trust in those who were closest to him."  To their discredit most of their creative thinking was aimed at trying to make the Republican party dominant and on his reelection even at the cost of disservice to our country. .  Yes the GOP did benefit.  But the country was the worse for it.  The effect of President Obama's sincerity of purpose has not only inspired hope throughout the  world, but those who surround him who are selected from our country's most informed and they look to him for inspiration and for leadership. To me, that makes this presidency different.  I'm reminded of.what NFL hall of famer,  Dwight Stephenson's grandfather told him . . . . . .
"If you always do the best you can at whatever you're  doing, good things will just seem to happen."

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A day like this for every kid;

At age 4  I was hospitalized with Scarlet Fever.  When it came time for me to be discharged from the hospital, the doc said 'no' because a foot rash had not fully healed.  Mom and I pleaded until the doc said to my mother, "Ok, I'll let  him out if you promise you won't let him do anything strenuous." She promised and I got discharged.  I guess my  mother thought that meant forever. I can remember my brother out playing when I was 8 or 9 and she was still keeping me home.  I read every book in the library for my age and as I got older I kept reading at every opportunity. In my teens for one year I played all the sports. But, in football, forget it. In those days if you couldn't run fast, you played the line no matter what you weighed and I was slow and skinny.. In baseball I was ok. I seldom struck out and I could throw accurately tho not very hard and because Sol, our best athlete, wanted to play 2nd, I played 3rd base. I wasn't good enough to play at shortstop Sol, that rat, he was our best athlete and should have played shortstop. But he wanted to play 2nd. At 3rd I always played in close because I didn't want anyone to find out how weak my throwing arm was. The coach would yell and big bruises were all over me but even when I backed up because of the yells from the coach, I would come back in with the pitch no matter who was batting.
 In the league the teams finishing 1st and 2nd would play for the championship at the end of the summer and we finished first. In the championship game, in the bottom of the 7th, our left fielder gets hit on the leg by a pitch and we put in a pinch runner.
When the 8th starts the coach says, Howard you're in left, and the pinch runner plays 3rd. He kept saying he was always afraid I was going to get killed at 3rd. Anyway no fly balls come my way and we finish the 8th 4 runs in front. Now its the top of the 9th and after the other side gets 2 runs, with 2 out, their best hitter comes up and hits a fly ball to left center. I'm running like hell, my glove stretched way out when I step into a grass hidden hole and start to fall. The next thing I know I'm on the ground and unbelievable,. . . . the ball is in my glove.  


Miracles do happen,

Amazed I hold the glove up.  Everybody is yelling,  then they're pounding me and hugging me and I hear a father say.  'That was as good a diving catch as I have ever seen by anyone, anywhere." 
I thanked the Man upstairs and now was positive He had me hit that tree with my head (at 10 or 11) because my mother had told me not to sled down any hills of snow, from the top of the hill and I did not listen.

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Chico

On the 2nd hole Bernie Pallant's son (11 yrs old)  tees off first.  His drive passes the fairway trap on the right. I hit next, hit a good drive for me, short of the same trap. I think, he's not stronger than me, I need some lessons.  Bill Melhorn, a noted pro from the old days says, Howard you're dropping your right shoulder which causes you to slice and lose distance.  After a few lessons, its still a  habit.  So I take a lesson from the new pro from Pittsburgh who tells me at the end of the lesson,  I'm dropping my shoulder. And then I go to Sonny Rouse, a tour player and good instructor.  Habit stays. 

Chico and Maxine

I'm on the practice tee, I'm admiring Bobby Shave who is getting ready to play in the Doral Open. He is hitting ball after ball that bounce in front of the 250 marker.  Chico is giving a lesson  4 spaces down.  He finishes his lesson and is walking off the practice tee when Bobby says, "Hey Chic", and waves him over.  I can't hear what they are saying but Chico slaps a part of Bobby's anatomy and demonstrates with the club in his hand.  Bobby puts a ball on the tee.  Wham!!   Ball flies over the 250 marker.  He puts another ball down, wham!!  Over the marker again.  Says, thanks Chic, and now ball after ball fly over the marker.  Right there I make a decision. 
Chico says, hit a ball.  Ball slices.  He tells me  to hit the ball with a raking feeling, which I did and the ball went straight. It wasn't that easy but his method was to have you do something which would prevent you from doing the bad habit.  The shoulder was never mentioned and I stopped slicing.  .  One year in Chicago, where the pro tour was at that time,  he sees Hal Sutton doing something on the practice range and starts telling him about it. This results in the two of them spending much time before the tournament starts. Hal wins the tournament.  His comment to the press was to credit and thank Chico and say if Chic would just not talk about other things . . . Yes, Chic talked about other things.  My handicap went under 20, than under 15, then under 10 and finally to a 7.  Thanks Chic. And thanks for all the kids you helped.

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Internet

When I order something on the internet, I usually X out of the order on the order-cart page if they forgot my password.  This began happening so often I mentioned it to a friend who suggested maybe it was me who forgot the password.  That seemed reasonable, so now I don't leave when either one of us forget my password, but I still   X  out and now almost as often as before, because they want me to correctly decipher some jumbled letters before they will change my password. And I  need the password to complete the sale. If they want to do that,  I have a suggestion,  stop making those letters as if you don't want them to be understood.

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Bit:

Why do politicians lie?  Because they think if they told the truth about themselves they couldn't get elected.

Waldo

Waldo



Waldo came late to tennis.  He was a senior in high school, athletic  and had good eye hand coordination.  But his real talent was fixin stuff.  If your car radio went out or if you wanted to add speakers, get Waldo.  As for girls, he  always seemed to have a different girl friend.  There was a whole contingent from Brazil who were always asking me if I knew where he was.  Well anyway graduation was on tap and Waldo told me he was worried about the ceremony.  The teacher said everyone in the class had to wear black shoes.  He didn't have any and he didn't want to ask his Mom.  It also meant he didn't want to say that in front of  his classmates.  I canvassed all the adult players to solve the problem, but no luck.  So Waldo graduated wearing a pair of my black shoes, almost 3 sizes too big, with toilet paper in the toes.  Now Waldo is an adult and a  volunteer for Dwight's Computers for Kids and incidentally, whenever one of my printers goes on the fritz, I call Waldo.   And, it hasn't happened yet but,  if another kid has the black shoe problem, I still have the shoes.

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Newt

Even if you are a Republican its pretty hard to look favorably at a guy who chooses to tell his wife he's wants a divorce when she is in the hospital being treated for cancer.



But I guess he doesn't think he'd hurt the image of his pals who are in the 'running for president' group.  And even I know Newt is more intelligent than that bunch.   So I guess going on television and saying something one way and then a few days later, on television again, saying exactly the opposite, is not so bad.  Of course they all do it  .Except, would  we want a president like that?  The following poem was inspired by Newt and Republicans who never tire of thinking voters will continue to accept  saying you're going to do stuff even though you have no intention of actually doing it.
"Hey Rand and Newt and all  you politicians,
 watch what you say,
When you take a position on tv; today.
Because YouTube shows both tv spots, right away!"

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Gabriel and Social Studies.



 

Gabriel came to the US from Mexico.  He and his brother, who is  a few years older, are nice kids and good in school.  It looks like its going to rain and Gabriel looks unhappy.  I say, "something wrong? "
He says, "Well I can't get my social studies, its so different, and I  have a
test on it tomorrow."
"Got your book?" 
"Its in my back pack."  

"Go get it." 



Rafael, Gabrael, Jennifer

We go  where we wont get wet and I start to talk to  him.  "Don't try to remember this stuff but lets see if you can understand it.  If you don't understand something tell me or better yet, ask me a question."   We talk for a little over an  hour, the rain stops so we go out to dry the tennis courts.  Friday he comes after school and I ask him how did he do in the exam.  He says I don't know but so far my best mark in the class was a c.
His mother's job included driving, so on Monday the car drives up, Gabriel gets out of the car running into the center.  "Howard, Howard,  WE got an 'A'."

 

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Busted (Raz)

Two friends convinced Raz that riding around shooting cars with a paint gun was harmless fun because the paint was water soluble. This might be true if one of the first cars you paint isn't an unmarked patrol car. His mother called and asked if I could help. He was at the Surfside police station.. Someone at the station knew just how to handle it. First they scared the hell out of them, then they waited to be sure the paint came off easily. When it did they let them go.

Raz was always  serious. He wanted to be somebody.  His mom and dad were going to be proud of him .He had a very good serve and filled the  apartment with trophies. If he put the same intensity into his tennis as he did after deciding to be a doctor, he would have been a great player.

His roommate at med school (UM)  was the son of a best selling author who got impossible to get tickets to a trendy South Beach concert. Prices were ridiculous. Seems everyone wanted to go.  Except Raz, who said,

"Its killing me, but I cant go. I got a paper coming up and its due on Monday."

One of the fathers of a kid Raz often played as a junior came over to me and said,  Howard you know I'm a veteran.  Well I just came out of the Veteran's hospital.  Guess who  the doctor taking care of me was?    Raz.

"Well you look well, he  must have done a good job."

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Pedro

Beach Hi #1s, Pedro & Millie



The Caniza family moved to Miami Beach from Uruguay via Chicago.  Pedro one of 3 sibs comes into the park and starts learning how to play tennis.  He's a  natural.  Our annual 14 & under tournament comes up and I get Mark  Davis, a good doubles player, as a partner  for Pedro.  They make the semi-finals. The opponents know Mark so they hit all balls to Pedro.  They win the first set 6-2.  But, you can see Pedro is learning and adjusting his returns.  Pedro and Mark win the second set and  the third set goes to a tie breaker. Pedro and Mark win 7-6 (7-5) and Pedro is assured of a trophy (1st place or 2nd) in his first tournament.  The team they play  is the 3rd ranked team in the state which means they are very good.  The match goes the same way.  First set 6-2 them, 2nd set 6-2 Pedro and Mark.  In in the third set the tiebreaker goes to 5-5 .  At deuce a ball, hit by the enemy, looks like it may have hit a line and Pedro's Mom shouts. Afuera!!  A discussion ensues with mom joining the ref and the players.  She's heated and insisting the ball was out and the ref has to warn her to stop interfering or he will disqualify Pedro and Mark. Pedro finally calms his mother down. Not an easy thing to do. 

But the ref prevails, the others side win that point and the tie breaker. Pedro and Mark get the runner-up Trophy


Pedro & HGK

 



Pedro's dad does odd jobs and once a month or so drives to a farm to pick-up watermelons.  Every day of the week, in the hot summer sun, you can see Pedro's mom on a causeway with the truck, selling watermelons. Her love for her kids has no limitations.

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Guilty



Justice Scales

No Names.  He is a single parent father doing a good job with his 13 year old son.  He was a star basketball  player with one of the top mid-west basketball colleges and figured to be drafted early.  His love for motorcycles ended that dream.  Now he's a municipal employee who works with kids. From his college playing days he has many friends.
He knows about the Dwight's Computers program and that I had helped some employees who had problems getting their side heard in disputes with the city.

He calls and asks will I accompany him to a disciplinary hearing because he got into a little trouble. I say, " Think twice."  He says, "I know how it is  between you and the department head, but I need someone I can trust, who I know will be with me."  So I agree to go  to the hearing with him.  The city suggests to him that he ask me not to attend.  He says,

"I want Howard with me."  The hearing starts and at one point the city official says shows a letter sized piece of paper and says,,  "When I sign this, you are effectively terminated.  The thing is, he did  not say 'if.'. "
Employee asks, "Do you know so and so?"
"Yes."
"He works for the city doesn't he?"
"Yes."
"Well while he was employed by the city he was charged and convicted of a felony and today he still works for the city, doesn't he?"
"Yes."
"Well I haven't been convicted of anything, how do you explain that?"
"Its a completely different set of circumstances and you still have to go to court."
"But you're convicting me now, he was convicted by a court of law, and him being white and me being black has nothing to do with it?"
".  . . . Of course  not. "
He signs the paper.  His attitude says 'what good is having the power to fire someone if you never use it'.
Outside the employee asks, if I know any lawyers.  I say,
"Third person liability cases?  Colson & Hicks is one of the top law firms in this area".  
I set up an appointment.  Later, after the judge dismisses the case against him, he calls.  He tells me he's dropping the suit.  The reason is, he has an opportunity to get the same job with a different city. 
"Howard you know how it is, if I get the reputation of suing a city, which I will, I may never get another city job. I really enjoy what I do."  Colson  & Hicks, class all the way, assure him if he goes forward he will not lose this case, but they understand and will abide his wishes.

Guilty, (The case)

He is in South Beach with a prominent pro basketball player for the local pro team, a friend from his college days.  In the recent past the friend, a starter for the Heat  had been mugged, he lost some money and jewelry but mostly his pride.  So he carries a licensed gun. 
"Oh geeze, I forgot.  My license does not permit me to carry a gun in places that serve alcohol,  I can't go in here unless you stay outside and hold my gun for me.  I'll be out in less than 15 minutes." 
The door closes and a few minutes later two cops who are driving by stop, come over and ask what he is doing?  He says he is waiting for a friend.  They say someone told them he was dealing, they frisk him and find the gun.  Its a dilemma.  One thing he knows, for sure, involve his friend and the media will have a feeding frenzy.  It could do a lot of stuff to his friend, all bad.   He calls a mutual friend who calls the friend who calls a lawyer who posts bond.

Karlo



Karlo & friend.

Karlo is learning to play tennis. We are hitting balls on court 14. After play on 12 & 13 ends those courts are now empty. A mother comes through the gate in the fence that surrounds these 3 tennis courts.  She is walking a bicycle and holding a small child in the seat, and steering it around court 13. Suddenly mom falls, the bike also falls, and the kid starts crying. Karlo beats me to the bike and picks up the kid.. He turns the child's foot to ease the pressure on the foot, which is caught between the bike's fork frame and the wheel. The kid stops crying. Karlo says Howard, let the air out of the tire. I push the stem in the valve, psssssssssss, the air comes out, the tire gets soft and the kid's foot is released. Karlo gives the kid to mom.  Oh yeah, Karlo is 11.


 

Emergency

Emergency

Its Sunday morning about 9 and I gotta go.  I start to urinate and its looks like pure blood.  I think my bus is about to hit me.  So I get into my car and drive to Emergency.  I park in the tow-away zone so you can tell I think its serious.  I get in a line, I'm 3rd and I give information, including my phone number, and other important stuff.  Then I go sit down . After a while someone with a clipboard comes out, takes me to a little side room and  starts asking questions. She takes my pressure and, you know the routine.   I'm back in a waiting chair, its now about 12:30 when a guy calls my name takes me into another small room.  He asks more questions and says ok, a nurse will come for me.  I gotta go again but I don't want to scare myself, like I did this morning.  A nurse comes and takes me to a closet with a lay down table and gives me a pecan to pee into.  Next comes the doctor who feels around and says,
"You have an infection."  She gets someone to take the now full pecan  for analysis and then leaves.  After about 5 minutes I realize I don't have my ipod or cel phone and you know where my car is parked.  So I walk out of emergency, get in the car and when I get home the phone is ringing,  I answer and its this very nice doctor who says,
"Mr Kaufman you have a bad infection, why did you leave?"  I say,
"I thought you forgot about me."  ('a fib', I thought I could get back before anyone noticed.)
She says, "No, and its important that you come back, right now."  I get into the car and park in a safe area near emergency and walk back in.  This time they're waiting for me.  I get express handling and the next thing you know I'm on one of those 1 1/2 feet wide lay down bed type stretchers on wheels, with a long steel pole beside my head and what looks like a coat hanger at the top.   There's a bag of 'water like' stuff hanging at the top of the coat hanger and its connected to me through an intravenous needle.  They park me in the hallway saying all the rooms are filled.  Everyone is nice and asking more questions and writing down stuff and I notice its now after 5 and I haven't had anything to eat.  I try to make a call but the cel wont work because of electrical interference or something, So I ask a nurse, and she says you're going to a room  in the hospital and it'll have a phone.  The room has 2 beds and a big clock.  Its 6:25 and I find out delivery of food trays end before 6.  I don't want to upset anyone but I do tell a nurse's aid I missed supper.  So she scrounges up an unused tray.  Everything is dried out and the chicken looks like it died on the way to being killed.  But the apple juice and roll were fine.  I take out my ipod and start reading Ben Franklin again.  Shit!  I forgot the chargers.  About 15 minutes later it looks like I.m getting company.  Turns out its Stanley who goes from a wheel chair into the bed with very much needed assistance.  In other words this guy is sick. He starts talking in a very loud voice so I put my hearing aid on the tray by the bed.  Uh uh, doesn't work at all., Stanley is talking, I mean loud.  I can still hear him clearly and I think they can easily hear him in the hall.  I say to the nurse who is trying to make him comfortable, nurse will you tell Stanley I'm on to him and it ain't gonna work. 
Stanley says, "What?" 
I say, "If you think you can get me to ask to have you taken out of the room so you can eventually get a room to yourself,  forget it, unless you have something to bribe me with.  Talk as loud as you like cause I ain't gonna do it."  He tells me he has 2 grown children who live in Philadelphia and Illinois and his wife divorced him.  I ask why she did that and he says,
"She said I was a loser."
I say, "Stanley, forget that, Stanley, that ain't the real reason she divorced you." 
He says, "you don't think so?" 
I say, " No, if I was your wife I'd divorce you because you talk so freakin loud."
The nurse who is making a mess of my free arm getting blood, almost breaks the needle.  I say to Stanley, "Hold on, there's serious stuff going on here."  (A curtain is between us) and I say to the nurse,
Why don’t you just get me a pecan, you'll get all the blood you need"
She looks at my food tray and says you didn't eat anything.  I say,
"Tell the truth, does that look like chicken?"  She disappears and a little later when she has to take more tests she quietly puts some individually wrapped graham crackers on my tray.  Stanley says,
"My doctor told me I only have 5 days to live." 
I say, "What?  When was that?" 
He says, "Thursday." 
I say, "Stanley I think you should get another doctor." 
He says, "Are you just kidding?" 
I say, "Well yes and no." 
He says "I'm gonna do it, get a 2nd opinion." 
I tell him some true stories, like about an uncle whose doctor told him he had 6 months to live and many years later  he read in the paper the doctor had died. And anyway I don't think its true because if it was they wouldn't put you in a room with me, just because you talk so freaking loud.  Tuesday nite I say, "Stanley I'm leaving tomorrow."
He says, "They told you already?"
And I say, "No I'm waiting for the nurse so I can tell her now." 
"So how do you know." 
"Because the Heat game is Thursday and anyway that will make it a week for you and I don't have to worry about you anymore because then, for sure your doctor made a mistake. We just don't know how big.  And as for me they're just trying to find a reason to keep me in the hospital because they need customers."  Wednesday the nurse comes in and I don't like the look in her eyes. 
"What?" 
She says, "your sugar number is low."
"Ain't that good? What is it?"
"54, we have to give you some medication to bring it up". 
I say,  "No you don't. Just don't give me any medication at all, and it'll go up by itself.  I'm taking medication to bring it down.  You must have given me too much".  She looks back a few pages on the chart and says,
"You might be right.  How much do you take at home?" 
"Two and a half of what ever the hell it is per pill" and she says, "Um hm we gave you 5s." 
A little later I go over to say goodbye. 
"Stanley, now you can get your own room, just keep talking that loud, but I have a confession." 
"What's that." 
"Remember when you came in and asked the nurse's aid to put 44 on your TV?" 
"Yes." 
"I knew you meant Fox channel and I also knew the right number."
"So why didn't you tell me?" 
"Because Stanley, I don't like that channel and you didn't ask me."
We wished good luck and said good bye.

Stanley; part 2



Hospital

Stanley?  You still up?
"Yah."
"What time is it?"
"Its 12.01, can't you see the clock?"
Stanley.  That means its Tuesday.  I told you that Doctor was wrong. He can't be too clever.  He could set a new world record for being wrong."
"I'm gonna get a second opinion."
"Well, forget that. I got something important. Did you know Glen Beck wrote a book?"
"I didn't read it." "Good.  But I just think you should see it.  Look at the picture he picked out to be on the cover.  He’s sneering and is dressed in a nazi uniform."
"Nooooo."
"Yeah.  And it’s a good picture too, he looks just like a storm trooper.  The thing is, what kind of a mind would think a picture like that would help the sales of his book?  It screams out loud who he  is."
"Well maybe you’re right, some friends were trying to tell me things about him.  I think I’m not gonna listen to him anymore."
"Come on Stanley, now you’re just trying to make me feel better."
"Mr Kaufman, did you hear me calling the States Attorney’s office?"
"Stanley, I took my hearing aid out, its still out.  But no matter, you really talk too loud.  its after 12 and they can hear you in the next room."
"Well this guy, who’s a friend of the family, got my check book and cashed a check for $1125.00.  I’m not going to let him get away with it.  I need that money.  I changed my bank but I can’t get my money back."
"What did the attorney general’s office say."
 "They said I should write them a letter or an email."
"You’re lucky."
"Lucky?"
"Whenever I make that kind of call they tell me to press #1 or #2 and then by the time I press all the combinations I either  forget what the hell I was calling for, or I get disconnected." 
"I’m not onto this new stuff."
"No cel phone." 
"Yeah I got a cel phone.  Oh Jesus, the bill is due.  But I mean tech stuff, I just use it for a phone."
"Well listen Stanley, I got this friend and I was trying to get him to get a computer.  Couldn’t  do it.  Stubborn, just like you.  But anyway
he’s a Catholic and he comes into my office after he comes back from visiting Europe. He went to Rome, and the Vatican.   He starts telling me how much he enjoyed seeing Michelangelo and the ceiling."


I say, " wait a minute.  Come over here."  I sit down at a computer in my office, the one my secretary uses when she’s doing stuff in my office, I punch a few keys.  The screen starts flashing and after I hit a few more we can see inside the Chapel .  . . . . . .And then we can see the painting on the ceiling. I make it larger . . .and larger . . . and larger. His mouth is open, he's gaping.  He Says, "Howard, I'm going to get a computer. Will you still show me how to use it?

 

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A Healthy Back

Is that Greg hitting practice sand shots and then practice chip shots and putting?  Hey Greg you look great, what happened. 
See that guy on the third practice tee?
You mean the skinny black guy with the tiny blue square glasses?
That's  him.  Know who he is? 
I was hitting balls next to him yesterday but I don' know who he is. 
He is a physical therapist.  Know Dr. DeBaky? 
The heart transplant doc in Houston?
Yep, well  DeBaky uses  him for his patients..  He gave me a little stand up massage and told  me a simple exercise he says will keep my back healthy.  I did it for more than a week and here I am playing golf with no back pain.  Don't ask me any questions,  he's a real  nice guy, go up and ask him.
Remember me from yesterday? 
Sure. 
I was just talking to Greg and he thinks you did a miracle.
No miracle, just a simple exercise.  I felt his back and fortunately I think that's all that was wrong with him.  You playing?
Yes.
Well just find a tree limb that exceeds you reach and reach up from the cart and grab the limb.  Then relax and hang, and I mean relax, and stretch as far as you can..  Then bend your head as far back as you can and hold for a few seconds.  Then bend you head as far to the front as possible and hold it again for a few seconds.  That's all you do but do it twice each time.  Once a week. That's it. 
What's it do.
It stretches the spine and the area around your discs.  Some discs get little exercise, stiffen up, and you get problems.  Look, he presses a finger joint.  Pop.  Hear the noise?    Watch.  He bends his head back as far as he can, holds it and then bends forward and I hear, pop,pop,pop.  That's air from around the disc area.  He can do it just standing.
What if I cant find a tree?
You can use a bar or limb that you can reach standing, but its not as effective.  You grab the bar, relax and stretch out, that's the important part. You have to bend you legs at the knees till you're off the ground and then do the exercise.  But, you must stay fully stretched and relaxed all the time, and that's not as easy as it sounds.
I say to him, I don't listen to many people about things like this but I'm going to do it.  Thanks a lot.
That was over 30 years ago.  In 1986 I used a bar over the seats beside court #10 at North Shore.  About 1990 I went to a new location that didn't have a  handy bar, I didn't look for a new one and after a couple of months I had a very, very uncomfortable back experience for the first time since I started.   I got back on it as fast as I could.  No problems since.  Maybe I'm just lucky, but on this issue, I don't think so.  And, last I heard, Greg's back problems did not return.

Never be wrong again.

I'm never wrong, ask anybody. Never lost an argument.   So whats the secret.  OK, but don't tell anybody, you will destroy my mystique.
In any discussion if you think there is the remotest possibility that you are wrong, don't argue.  (simple eh?)
Or at the very least, shut the hell up.

Anthony

 

Little Anthony, HGK, Big Anthony





Anthony says, "Howard I want you to fix my forehand."

"Listen Anthony, you never listen." 

"Yeah, yeah, but this time I promise to  listen, I want to play higher up on my college team." 

"You're still on the team?"  

"Its kinda testy, but now we're cool."

Turns out it wasn't his forehand.  His movement off his backhand was too slow.  We fixed it and Anthony made All America 1st team doubles and 2nd team singles. 

A younger Anthony told me he wanted to make some money, could I help get  him a job?  So when I  said, Anthony, I got you a job at so and so gas station and if you put in enough time you can make $200.00 a week, he said,

"I want to make $400." 

"What?  Not smart, why don't you want to make $800."

His mother, a very lovely young lady, brought her 2 sons from Cuba and now 2nd son Abraham has passed the bar exam, is a practicing lawyer and Anthony has his own financial business.   When he was an executive with Office Depot he not only convinced them to donate 75 pieces of computer equipment to our Dwight's Computers for Kids program, he rented a truck and with a friend carried and delivered every piece .  (Click here to see link:)   Dwight's kids.

Girls were always chasing after him. They were something else.  I  asked one girl de jour, what do you see in that guy?  She said, "He's just like Tom Cruise only better looking."
He  meets a girl who returns to New York, and he flies up to be with  her.
His date for the  prom was a knockout and she had this new white BMW convertible.  So he gets into a fight with her father, which isn't as bad as a fight with a mother, and in this case it even helped him.  It brought them  closer together.  Of course the father sent her away to college.

                                

Stem cells. Yes? No?

I have a difficult memory.  He was a friend of a friend.  I met him shortly after he started going out without some of the bandages covering his face. He looked like his was wearing a make up costume for a movie.  He had been a Mustang pilot and a combat crash caused severe burns  from his shoulders up.  For a long time they didn't expect him to make it. His face, his ears and other facial features were badly burned when his plane crashed.    His facial features were being rebuilt over an extensive period of time..  Later he told me what he saw in my eyes, he saw in all eyes.
See something wonderful and special!!!  An amazing new health discovery. Its not what you expect.  You wont believe it.

. Click link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXO_ApjKPaI (To return to this blog after skingun,  Click the X (exit)  on the link page,  top right.)

Judge ??

Marty had been a Municipal judge and just before the filing deadline he files to be a candidate against one of our better judges.  
I say, Marty are you nuts?  He's one of the most popular judges we ever had.  He says,
I know that, that's why nobody else has filed.   The last day for filing passes and Marty is BEAMING, he says,
I’m going to be a circuit court judge.  I say,
"Hah, hah you forget a minor item like the election."  As he is walking to the tee he says,
"I am not going to win the election."

In my opinion Marty was more than qualified to be a circuit judge, one thing for sure, he knew the law and he was also a  decent person.  Election is over and the present judge gets 72% of the vote.  Marty files a suit contending the judge was ineligible to run.  It seems Marty had a different opinion of the new age limit law, passed by the legislature, which everyone else thought grandfathered in all present judges.  Marty’s interpretation won the day and Marty became a circuit court judge.