Herbie

Not Herbie, too skinny.

Herbie and I were friends and we worked as field agents for the same insurance company.. We both lived in Philadelphia but our territories  were in different sections of upstate Pennsylvania.  Then Herbie and his family moved upstate, near Mauch Chunk, so he could be closer to his territory.. They lived there for a couple of years when Herbie decided to move the family to Florida.  He asked me to work with him during his last week so it would be easier for him make the move.  The real problem and reason was for me to drive his girlfriend back to Philadelphia while he took his family to the Philadelphia airport.  Then he would drive the family car down to Florida, with his girlfriend.

Its his last day at the office and Herbie asks me to loan him a few hundred bucks.   I tell him I'm stretched and just cant do it, while he persists in his pleas, and finally he says, "Here I'll give you a check, but don't deposit it until Thursday", pulling out a check as he is talking.  I say,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"  And a few other things.. "I was with you yesterday at the bank ,when you closed your account."  Result?  Herb  drives down to Florida with his girlfriend but without any money from me.
My wife Rae, and his wife Flossie, were friends.  Flossie had many friends, including one special one, Bess, who still lived in Mauch Chunk in upstate Pennsylvania.  She was always mentioning Bess in favorable and glowing terms.  Eventually someone from Mauch Chunk comes to Miami Beach for a vacation.  She accidentally finds out that not only does Herbie have a girlfriend, but they also have a couple of kids.  When she gets back home, she tells the 'girls' what she found out.  She tells Bess who makes them all promise not to say anything to Flossie because, quote, "It will kill her".
Much later Bess goes to a family function in Philadelphia.  Its a long way from Mauch Chunk, and while dining and conversing with the  other quests at her table, Herbie's name comes up.  Bess refers to him as, "that rat''.
As happens when the weather gets colder people want to vacation in Miami Beach and one of Flossie's old friends while dining with Flossie, tells her that Bess called Herbie a rat.  So, Flossie calls Bess.  Bess makes all kinds of excuses but does not tell her why she said what she said..
The result . . . . to this day as far as I know,  they never talk or see each other again.

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99% -Saving Money!!!

Warren (Buffet), I hope you have a sizable investment in Pharmaceuticals.  While growing up I never took any kind of medication unless a doctor prescribed it.  Recently my doc said I should get a tube of antibiotic ointment to help with an infection which threatened a cut on my leg.  So I went to the drug store.  The box of ointment was so small I had trouble finding it.  And the tube, for $8.00 or $9.00 was so small a team of ants could carry it back to their nest.  Anyway, when my wife got a serious ailment, her doctor said, if we agreed, he would treat her as if she was in a new experimental program.  She had just missed the required profile to participate in it.  He explained the experiment and the findings on  her condition.  He, said,  "I think this is the way to go," and we agreed.  Among other stuff, it involved using a new medication which cost over $13.00 dollars for each pill the size of a pin head,. Over $400.00 a month. The pill, Arimidex, was well worth it.
Her treatment seemed to be working and then I learned that the California State Legislature had investigated  drug stores in Canada and provided Californians with a list of reliable Canadian pharmacies.  I got the list and called one with an easy to remember name.  The pin head size drug in Canada was $7.00 for the same pill. (not a generic)  Do the math. About $210.00. a month instead of  $400.00  And with all the other medication she was taking at that time, serious money..  I asked my doc about it and he said he thinks its a good idea but don't quote him.   In the meantime I started getting up twice a nite to go to the bathroom. And not for a bath.  I thought it was nerves caused by my concern for my wife, but an exam results in more prescription drugs.  Which thankfully, do work.
Somebody must have told powerful people in the Pharmaceutical industry about people using Canada,  because  all of a sudden I start hearing sound bites about counterfeit drugs from Canada. I have visited Canada.  I like Canada. So my opinion, if  I were a drug counterfeiter, where would I try to sell my phony drugs.  In Canada where prices are low or in the United States, where prices are high?  Not hard to figure.  Counterfeiters go where the money is.
P.S.  I recently ran out of the medication that helps me not get up at night.  It happened before my prescription could be delivered from Canada by mail.  So I purchased a month's supply locally, cost;  $92,00.  Over $3.00 per pill.  I ordered and received a 3 month supply from my Canada Pharmacy. Total coast $49.50.   Just over $.50 per pill. I'll do the math, .About $15.25 a month,  Monthly From $92,00 to $15.25.  (Flomax 03/2012)  This is serious savings..

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Fireman

Marty Horbach was  part of  the week day pool of  golfers from which we made up our afternoon foursome.  He was married, a fireman, a super guy and a  very good golfer.  Deadly on the green and from just off the green.  But mostly he had a fantastic sense of humor, which came out from time to time.  Like . . . . 

Marty The Fireman and daughter.



We were on Bayshore's  12th hole and Marty teed up first.  He slices a long ball into the 13th fairway.  An out of sight player from the foursome in front of us comes into view from standing in the 13th fairway. He must have sliced too.  He was way in front of Marty's ball, not even close, but he must  have seen it. He  turns, looks back at us, and yells,
"Why the hell didn't you yell fore?" 
So, Marty yells back,
"OK . . . . FORE!!!. . . . . And if you want to do something else about it, see me on the  19th hole.  My name is 'BEN KARN'!
Oh my goodness, Ben was next up and waiting to tee off and Marty was still on the tee,  I thought Ben was going to hit Marty with his driver..  Dick was on the ground laughing.  With me.

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Chicken Soup

This was more than a few years ago, Dr. Stanley Jonas, a friend and a great doctor says,
"Howard you need to have your colon examined." 
"Does it hurt?  "
"Nah, They have this new scope that shows the colon on a TV.  The colon has no nerve endings. You wont feel anything, its quick and painless ."   He recommends a doctor and  has his secretary call for an appointment. I call that doctor's office and his assistant gives me a date, a time, and a room number at Mt. Sinai hospital..



Despite my protests Rae insists, she wants to go with me.  We are on the third floor on a hallway with the entrances of most rooms covered with heavy see-thru plastic.  White wall plaster all over the plastic. The hospital is renovating.  We find this  narrow hallway with a few chairs against the wall on one side, and door knobs on doors to letter numbered rooms on the other.  Rae takes a seat and I find and go to the floor reception desk.  I tell the nurse who I am and she says go wait in the hall (the one I came from)  and she will tell the doctor I'm there.  After about 10 minutes the doctor arrives, we all say hello, he leads me to one of the rooms and we go in.  Its a very small room.  Maybe seven and half feet wide and at best ten feet long.
At the near end of the room there is a 12" TV on a flat oval top table, against the wall, with about  a foot or two between it and the  exam table. The TV is on, with the glowing screen showing snow. 


You will feel something cold,

Another table, this one rectangular is alongside the side wall and has about a foot or so clearance from the exam table. Doc is sitting  beside it, against the wall, and behind the lengthwise exam table , where he can easily reach a patient. He says, " Take off your pants and shorts, get on the table and lay on your right side.  "On the table to his left , is a hi fi tuner look-alike gadget.  He is  holding something attached to one end of it..  Its black  and looks a like a skinny cattle prong.  On the other end of the gadget are some knobs and a switch. The extendable prong has  2 black wires running along the bottom.  At the end of the wires,  is a very small solid glass bulb  and what looks like the shiny half of a large BB type pellet. He flips the switch,  the bulb lights up and the TV gets brighter.   He smothers the entire, about 14" prong, with some goo, looks like Vaseline, and says,
"This will be over in a minute"
WOOOOOOOOPs.  I feel something cold slipping in, someplace.

Fat worm?

The TV shows something entering what looks like a cave and resembles the inside of a very fat red worm. The probe works its way further and further into the cave until we see a little stalactite hanging from the roof just before the end of the cave..  Doc says, 
"Ahaa"  What  looks like a small see thru  strainer basket, on one wire, just under the light,  pops out and works its way entirely around the stalactite, like a snare, until the top of the basket is flush with the wall, and then a small blade comes out and cuts it off.  Plop, its in the basket.  The prong  starts to move backwards, slowly, until its removed completely.  Doc shows me what's in the basket. And says, 
"There's the little 'bugger' (pun I guess)."  It doesn't look big.  A very soft gooey glob of internal flesh. We'll just send him up to the lab to make sure everything is ok.  He hands me some Kleenex which I use and throw into a lift up top, container, lined with a plastic bag. ..
Doc now turns the basket on the wire so its cargo falls into a glass tube filled with some liquid. He says,
"That's it.  Put your shorts and pants back on and you can  leave."  I look at him, the whole episode didn't take more than ten minutes.  I say, very loud, OHHHHHH!!!  OHHHHHHHHH!!!
"Whats the matter? Whats the matter?"
"WOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  Even louder.
Mr. Kaufman.  What is it Mr. Kaufman??  What is it??   I say,
"Listen Doc.  My wife is just outside the door, waiting.  If I go out this fast she might think it was not a big deal.  But if she heard me, and I think she did, that's different.   I'll get some TLC, some chicken soup and other goodies.  And she happens to be a good cook, I may even get some home baked key lime pie,.  Please, let me take an extra minute or two."

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You're FIRED!!!



Darlene, a Miami Beach City staff member at North Shore tennis Park, says,
'Mr. Irvine (head of the  recreation Dept.) called and left a message for you to see him in his office today, after 2 and before 4."
"Thank you Darlene."
"Hey Bill, whats up?"
"Bad news Howard, we have to terminate your contract with the City." (authorization to run a  city kids tennis program for $0.00 per year.)
"What's the reason Bill?"
"We received a letter about you and its signed by about 50 people."
"Can I see the letter?"
"I suppose so, come into my office I'll get it."
I'm sitting in a chair facing his desk while he gets a manila folder and takes out of it a letter on tablet paper , which he hands  to me..Its not signed but there are signatures from top to bottom on the other side.
After a minute or two Bill says. "What are you smiling about? "   
"Bill, This letter is complimentary to me,  You can't use this to terminate me"  
"What?"
"Let me read it to you.  There are 4 numbered items. #1 says, 'Howard is not a very good tennis player and he should not be trying to teach tennis to kids.'  #2 Says, "Howard is not a nice person and should be kept away from kids."
"That's complimentary?"
" Wait a minute, . . . .#3 says 'He spends a lot of time on the court with Victor.  Much more time with him than what he spends with my son Mike and the other kids."
"Bill, very frankly that's the reason for the letter.  His job lets him off early enough for him to pick his kid up from school every day , and get him to the park before any of the other kids. Then he puts him on the court where I work with the kids.  Every single day. There are too many kids.  I have time for about one lesson a week for each kid. .plus I  monitor them when they are on the court playing,  As for Victor, his mother has three jobs and I do help him a little more. I explained that to Mike and told him, I'll work with you once a week, maybe twice if I have time. He understands, but I guess his dad is not happy about it.   There are  . . . . ."
"OK, I get your point.  Forget it."  He takes the letter from me, starts to leave the office and says, " I have a meeting in the manager's conference room in five minutes."

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Dog story

My tee shot was a grounder, off the 12th tee.  It goes over by Bayshore's maintenance shack so I ask a workman at the shack if he saw a ball come thisaway..  He says, no, but do you want a dog.  I didn't say anything about a dog.   The next thing I know he shows me 2 puppies that can walk and were at that stage when puppies are their adorablist. They were mostly Labrador Retrievers, he said, . . . . . ...
When I was about 6 or 7 we got a mostly chow dog, Mitzi.  My mother and dad liked that dog. My brother and sister liked and had fun with the dog.  But Mitzi and I, it was love at first sight. It was one of those special happenings.  After Mitzi was with us for about 2 years my aunt Ella rented a half of a house for the summer in Atlantic City.  She invited us to stay for a couple of weeks.  But, no dog.  I tried everything, I even said I didn't want to go. When we came back from the shore Mitzi had a huge flea problem and the house had so many fleas I could describe a flea in full detail..  Mom and dad did try everything within reason to rid the house of the fleas.  Finally one day my father came home and announced that Mitzi was now living with a friend of his who had a farm in New Jersey.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It happened while Rae was on her way home from elementary school, a dog attacked and bit her.  She had to be treated by a doctor and take some shots.  After that she would go out of her way to keep a distance the  size of a 'football field' between her and any dog. Once we went into a store where a nicely dressed woman was carrying a little Mexican dog that looked like a not too large mouse with big ears.  It was shivering and shying away from anyone big or small.  But, as soon as this shaking shrimp saw Rae he started barking as if he thought he was Leo the Lion..  Rae ran out of  the store and would not come back in until the women left.

 . . . . . . . . . . . . .One of the dogs had a short tail. About an inch an a half.  The worker said he had dropped a tool box on it and had to remove the rest of her tail..  Her name was Samantha and if he didn't find a home for the dogs he would have to take them both to the dog pound.  So, I put  Samantha in the cart and she became our 5th while we finished the round.  It was as if someone had told her exactly what to do to charm the foursome, except of course, for Ben.   Unless you were a pigeon like me, if you even coughed while Ben was walking toward his ball, he would swear never to play with you again.  Once when, Ben and I were riding together, and I thought the cart was in his line of sight, I put the gear in reverse, intending to back away.  The cart makes a beep when you put it into reverse.  When Ben heard the cart's reverse sound he stormed over, took his bag off of the cart, put it on his shoulder and walked back to the clubhouse.  Naturally I was up a coupla holes at the time.

Rae never yelled.  When I came into the house with the dog, her voice reached a volume I had never heard.  I promised I would take Samantha back to the course and I could hear Rae lock the door after she pushed me out..  I did not go to the golf course.  I waited until it was a little dark and then I left Samantha in the car while I went back into the house. I lied.  I said I had returned to the course but it was too late and I couldn't find anyone who would take the dog.  And now it was so late, we just couldn't put her outside at  nite.  And with  the kids, who were home, and for once on my side, Rae weakened, just a tad.. She said,
"You put that dog in the bathroom and after we have dinner I'm going into the bedroom and I'm not coming out while that animal is in the house."  

Again it was if  someone was talking to Sam and telling her exactly what to do.  Even if you didn't like dogs, watch her for just a few minutes, and you knew why other people did.  Somehow an agreement between Rae and the kids was worked out.  Samantha had to stay in one of the kids' rooms at all times and they would take complete care of her.

Samantha and I would go for walks around the block.  There were only a few other dogs in the neighborhood but there were many kids, and most of them were afraid of dogs.  We were getting new New York transplants all the time.  They all had a few kids and every one of the kids was afraid of dogs. In the beginning,  during our walk,  Samantha would follow behind me.  When I saw a kid, I would say,
"Please, please don't scare my dog. She's very afraid of kids.  Please don't scare her."  And then she would come into view. giving them a wide birth.  It wasn't long before Sam was walking ahead of me and would run up to the kids who now were actually waiting to play with her.  They would pull her tail, pull her ears and even try to ride on her.  And Samantha just loved the kids.  And when she saw a new kid she would lag behind, until I prepared the way.  I think Samantha and I knew the best thing about kids.  They are not adults.


Go sniff somewhere else.

And whenever another dog came up, she knew exactly how to handle them.  If they persisted in sniffing and getting fresh, she would simply sit down.  Unbelievable to see. 
A new dog came on the block, a German Shepard, 4 or 5 months old already bigger than Samantha.  Right away they nuzzled each other and then they would go side by side and this continued until we reached our house.  When I opened the door Samantha went in and the other guy went around me and just followed her into the kitchen, where he ate her entire dinner.  With Sam watching.  Good thing Rae wasn't home and, the new guy lived around the corner and on the other side of the block.

Another trait Sam had, she never crossed the street.  Except this one time when a cat came from out of nowhere on our side and crossed to the other side.  Sam followed and then went slowly up to the cat who promptly smacked her right in the face.  Sam didn't make a sound, she jumped at impact landing a few feet away, turned and looked at that cat with a look that I can only describe as complete amazement.  I never saw her cross a street after that.  She would come to the end of a pavement, where the street began, we don't have curbs, and sit down and wait for me to pick her up and carry her to the other side.  I always was very confident in her and even in a strange area she would always do the same thing, whether the street had curbs or not.  She would go up to the street, sit down, and wait for me.

At the entrance to our house is the living room, a rectangular  area leading to the Florida room. The right side of the living room wall hides 2 rooms, a den and a dining room. 


Making a right turn at the front door leads to a door entrance to a windowed den and if you continue there is a door to the master bedroom and bath. If you do not open the bedroom door but turn left thru another door, which we leave open, you're in the dining room which  ends just short of  the Florida room.  If you make a right turn at the end of the dining room, you go into the kitchen area.  The entire area, living room, den and dining room has marble floors. Both sliding doors, to the den and dining room remain open, so you can walk an unbroken loop around and around. 

No 'football field' here.

Samantha and I would play a game that I called 'Wild Animule.'  I would continuously shout 'wild animule, wild animule' ' and start running around the loop,living room, den, dining room or vice-versa. When I  had a big lead I would stop and go left (or right) after going thru one of the doors and Samantha barking and barking, her legs slip sliding on the floor, when suddenly, I was behind her and now going in the opposite direction.  She never got tired before I did.  And then she would jump up on me and I would fall to the floor and we would play soft wrestle.  What a terrific memory.

Rae became so attached to Samantha we would never go on a trip without taking Sam or making arrangements for her care at home.  Her uncle Dave would come and baby sit Sam and the house..  Samantha was with us for 17  of those HEA years .


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Jackie Gleason Theater



And away we go!!

 Some time ago Rae and I went to a show at the Gleason Theater.  I see a guy in the lobby that I know very well, but Rae had never met him.  So we go over and I say, "Rae this is . . . . .",
I couldn't remember his  name.  He says,
"What the hell is the matter with you Howard?"
I say, "I don't know.  This is the first time I got old.  Maybe next time I will be able to answer your question".



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A piece of ass.

Donkey, or Ass.

Last year my granddaughter, Melinda, received an email before the Thanksgiving day holiday which said the following;

"When the the Pilgrims  prepared the meal for their 'feast of thanks', if they had used a donkey, instead of a cow or turkey, we could all be having a piece of ass to celebrate Thanksgiving"
Thank you Melinda

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Rae and more of HEA

Howard & Rae

I help kids learn to play tennis and its almost time  for me to leave for Moore Park.  Rae says,
"Why do you always disagree with me?"
"What are you talking about? I always agree with you."
"Well last night you agreed with Marilyn when she said Alicia lived in Atlantic City, after I said she lived in Vineland"
"That's not disagreeing with you, she does live in Atlantic City"  Too late, she gave me one of her better pinches."
I'm working with this 12 year old at the park and I'm at the net. A big kid on the adjoining court takes a wild swing  and belts a ball which comes directly at me, and WHACKS me in the ribs. BANG!!!


Its late and we're getting ready for bed, the TV is on.  I make sure Rae can see me as I take off my shirt.
"What in the world is that??"
"This? Its nothing, I can hardly feel it?
"But how . . . .I mean. . . .
"Well I don't want to say anything,  Don't you remember pinching me?"
"I did that?"
"The body makes bruises look much worse as we get older."
"Ohhhhh, Howard . . . .
The rest of the evening was very pleasant, and that beautiful, very ugly bruise mark remained visible for almost two months. 

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Social Security, Oil, Jon Stewart

 (In a DC enclave sometime before 2008)

"We are going to privatize Social Security."
"C’mon." 
"Well the public swallowed giving the surplus to only our people, didn't they?. And we killed the death tax changes didn't we?. I think we can do whatever we want.
"Don’t exaggerate."  
"Exaggerate??  
"Yes."
"With so many radio stations repeating our sound bites, controlling media is a cinch. Do you watchJon Stewart?"



Jon, "you missed it."

"Yeah, I hate to admit it, But, he is clever and funny."

"Right, well he had the head of an oil company on and never asked him the key question."

"Which was?"
"Well they were talking about how oil companies had just earned their highest annual profits, ever.  I kept expecting him to ask,  'How much profit would your company have earned if the price of gas never rose over $2.00  or $3.00 a gallon'?  Gas was close to $4.00 at the time. That he didn’t ask that question doesn’t mean he is stupid.  Well, that includes the public.  If someone is not fully grounded in a subject its easy for them to miss key questions.  But as Republicans we need to anticipate what's in the voter's mind and sound bite to their prejudices, hatred and fears.  Over, and over, and over. You know how we do.   And also, before we do anything that is questionable to the public, we have to first say that the Democrats are doing it.  Look, we have the whole country thinking the smartest people in the country, including scientists and professors, only say  things that are factual because they are liberal.  But, back to the point. If we could privatize Social Security the profits would be enormous.  I mean its so much money its ridiculous.  We could even put it where it is now.  Oh. man, the commissions would be really enormous.  But we would have to guard against the public realization that, .Social Security is already ‘effectively’ privatized. 

"Hey Soose!!  You’re right.  So how would we handle it?   How could we do it?   Wow, its so much money..  Trillions. You're right."
"The reason Social Security is such  a good deal, when compared to private insurance pensions, is that there is no cost added for administering, and no commissions charged and the funds are government securities for safety..
Yep, and, far as I know, nobody is overseeing whether or not the money in the Social Security fund, is receiving maximum interest and getting compounded correctly."
"Wait a minute, what?" 

"Well there are government bonds and there are government bonds. And they all don’t pay the same rate of interest.  So maybe we do and we are maximizing the SS fund. And then again, 'maybe not'."
"Ok, the hell with that, get back to what we were talking about. What was your idea?"

"Well, the only people, like financial experts, who wrote abut it, buried it in statistics and then never verbalized that SS is effectively privatized. But our sound bites have people talking as if they know something bad.  You know like young voters.  We have them thinking the money they pay in is used in real time, for current Social Security payments..  In a way it is but actually there is a separate accounting before it goes into the general fund.   Social Security, is just like any other pension, like what you get from any pension fund or buy from an insurance company.   And one of its real strengths is, it starts when people are young, and would  rather spend money without  thinking of the future.  A natural for our sound bites.”
”So what's wrong with it.”
”Social Security?  Are you kidding, nothing.  But it started in 1932 and rates were based on the mortality and cost of living at that time.  At the time individual mortality was around age 65.,  Now most smokers have quit smoking and we are living longer.  If it started today, the rates would be based on the correct mortality for today and few people would say anything.   You can't get 10-20 year ago annuity rates from private companies.   Yes, it has to be tweaked every 20  years or so and it has been, almost routinely, to take into account our new longevity.  Especially for young people just coming in..  We did just that in the past and we will have to keep doing it in the future.  But we can use that as a tactic against the Democrats.  What the young don't realize is, their money is for themselves.  They will get the payments for a  longer time and they also will need to receive higher amounts than what is paid out today.  What they pay in, has to match the present mortality rate.  This will enable Social Security to continue to be actuarially sound.  The problem is for the today's young the future seniors, who will live longer and need higher benefits, its not for the present seniors.  The money they have paid and don't forget the money their employers paid-in,  has guaranteed their Social Security payments.   You don't hear any seniors of today, who are getting social security payments, complaining about how the money was taken out of their paychecks when they were younger do you?  Well they were not any more eager to pay in at that time than the youngsters of today.  But the sound bites are great and it motivates them, and some seniors too, to vote against their interests..  Can you believe how many seniors vote our way?.”
"What do you mean by that?" 

"See, its even hard for you to understand,  Now, my idea.  Regulations require some pension funds to only invest in triple A ('AAA') bonds.  Like government pensions, its required." 
"What was that crap you were telling me the last time we spoke?" 

"Well, now that we have removed regulations preventing it, we are allowing banks and investment firms to be under the same corporate umbrella.  With that help bankers are making obscene amounts of money on mortgages.  Mostly because home buyers are not complaining about extra points and other stuff being added on to their mortgages.  And that's because property values are going up so fast.  So here it is, . What if we could make an investment instrument that could buy mortgages from the banks, meaning instant profits for them and freeing them from any chance of loss.  We get the money to do it by selling creative instruments, such as say bonds or derivatives, to investors."

"Stop.  You cant do that.  The bond rating would be too low." 

"Suppose we could raise the rating."

"How could we do that?" 
"Well I know some guys at Moodys and they were talking about raising money by taking in investors."

Is the bird sick, Jon?

"From where?  Aint that a sick bird?"
"Sick bird?"

"You know, 'ill eagle'."
"Stop being cute will ya,   Sure, but now we have so much control, we can change that rule or work a go around." 

"C’mon, its  a conflict of interest." 

"Do me a favor, start thinking of what we have already done, and use your imagination."  

"Sorry"
"If we can eliminate the regulations that keep Moodys from  having investors, they might cooperate with the ratings on  the mortgage bonds."
"Holy shit I’m drooling.  I’m already thinking about a new page in the tax code. .I’m calling my lobbyists as soon as I get back to my office."
(And so the bubble grew)


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Top 10

Dwight delivering a computer to a kid.

If you asked me to make a top 10 list of kids I have known, I would answer there are too many.  So many kids enriched my life.   And if you asked me to make a top 10 list of non-family adults I have known, its an easy answer.  I never met enough top adults to have a list of 10.  And out of the many leaders in business and politics, there may have been some I did not know well enough to rate.  I have only known 2 outstanding men well enough to rate and 1 woman.  On the male side its a no-brainer.
Not for his unbelievable and legendary football accomplishments, (you can look him up, if you have to, on Google, under NFL HOF), and not for his business accomplishments either, but for how he excelled in both of them and mostly for how he goes about living as a human being.   
Dwight Stephenson.

Face Talk!!!

Boehner   Integrity? What's that?? 





Boehner is all over the place saying one thing on one day and then saying the reverse the very next day.  And  its all on utube.  Like Romney, they  double speak to your face. What?  His family is watching, we are watching. No evidence of shame.




Cheney's book?  Just read his face.



After the 2000 election, Cheney was put in charge of National Security by president Bush. Before 9/11, he held no meetings on that subject nor did he act on terrorist information from Clinton's transition team. Apparently he did not give the info in the transition material much credence.  What?  Then, on the day after 9/11, he let all Mideast top Arab officials leave the USA.  Was an attempt made to debrief them? . . . . . . .What else aint in his book?


Is this an Album cover?

They call him a mogul, whatever that means.  But you can see in his face  how he earned, whatever he earned.
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Omar & Diego (and Marilyn)

 Omar and Diego came from Chicago and the family lived in an apartment across the street from the tennis park.  So naturally we welcomed them. Diego was a year or so younger and a good learner like his brother, but  Omar started to cross step after hitting his serve,  This is caused by a desire to hit he ball harder and is very difficult to master so Diego managed to hold his own with him.. 

Omar Marilyn, Diego    All Grown up.

One terrific pro who got away with that was Boris Becker.  He had a very powerful cross step serve and won Wimbledon at age 17. And Omar watched.  So, this became  a great time for Diego, because he could  beat his older brother and anybody knows there is nothing so cool as that..  I encouraged them to play each other saying to each (while alone with each) 'try to make your brother the best tennis player you can.'   Omar took this seriously while Diego was living a younger brother's dream.    
They were both eligible for county league play and both went with the team to Moore Park on the day we had the coach's organizational meeting to practice with the Moore Park team.  One of the coaches came over to me and, pointing at Omar and Diego said,
"There is  no way those kids are  first year players",  raving about Diego's serve and  Omar's power.  I explained they had come from Chicago only a couple of months ago and had not played tennis before.  After the other coaches talked to the kids, they all agreed they were eligible to play.

On the way back to our park. when we stopped for our usual Flora's pizza, I explained what happened and asked them to agree not to play on the team.   I would keep working with them and help  them  participate in USTA weekly  tournaments.  It took a lot of persuasion. 
Then, when Omar was a junior in high school, after much work, he finally taught himself how to serve and land on his left foot and follow up with a volley.  He became # 1 for the Beach Hi team and for Diego, the bubble burst.

The best part of the brothers was their, just turning 4 year old sister, Marilyn.  Heaven seems to know just  how to  make 4 year old girls and what a beautiful creation she was..



Marilyn now: still Beautiful

The owner of the hotel theater on Miami Beach,  which was playing  Peter Pan, gave me more than 40 seats for the live production..  So chaperones in tow we all went to see Peter Pan.  On the night I went, when the show was over, we couldn't find Marilyn.  We had everyone looking for her.  We couldn't find her.. . .  Finally someone re-looked where she was sitting and there she was.  Sleeping.  She was so small when the cushion seat came up, with her  sleeping between it and the back of the seat, she was almost completely hidden.. .  I still remember that awful, terrible fear.

Oh yeah.  During the tournament year the team had to default one match but even without Omar and Diego, we finished 18-1.  We also won the championship playoff and the team all got trophies. Second year in a row.


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Paul



Paul was a business associate and friend, His grandfather was the developer of a long stretch of  real estate on the near downtown north east side of Biscayne Boulevard.

I don't think his father ever worked for anyone outside the family and the only job I know that Paul had was delivering helicopters to Central and South America from either one of our two leading copter manufactures. He was a 2 engine rated, fully licensed pilot with plenty of flying hours .  The copter's  flying range was only a couple of hundred miles so it was a lot of ups and downs.  He was always inviting me to go with him but I was always able to get out of it..  And then he invited me to fly with him to Bimini, where he owned an apartment and a boat.  Bimini is a short hop and the more I refused, the guiltier I
felt, especially since, on several occasions, I had accepted his offer to make use of his 50 Sutton Place South apartment in NY. That flight on a single engine Cessna was one of the most  harrowing experiences of my life.  I had flown in an A-20 Army trainer but this was much smaller. When I got in the seat next to him  I saw a half full (half empty?) bottle of scotch on the floor and I realized he was already in the tank.  A flight that short doesn't last long but it seemed like an eternity to me and even tho there were no problems and we landed smooth as silk, I  already knew there was no way I wanted to fly back with him.  But while we were there he didn't drink at all, so I did go back with him on an uneventful trip.  I still consider it not one of my better decisions.

Every year Paul would enter a boat in the annual Nassau boat race and he would bring his boat and mechanic down to get it ready at a slip on the 79th Street Causeway.  Year after year they would work for a week or more and somehow never get the boat ready in time for the race. It would always develop motor trouble in the last inland waterway tryout. I cant remember his ever getting that boat in the actual Nassau race.



Zip,zip,zip

Nassau also had an auto racing track and Paul had an entry in that too.  And he was scheduled to be the driver in a small car class race.  While practicing on the track one early evening, he convinced me to take a ride with him in his small Renault, with him behind the wheel. Get the hell out of here!!.  At 50 mph or so, a few inches above the ground, it was scarier that the flight to Bimini.  When you watch it doesn't look like they go fast, but inside, so close to the ground, the sensation was like going a hell of a lot faster.  And  Paul was practicing going out of or into the turns so he could take them at a faster speed,.  Oh my goodness,   It went right up there on my 'don't ever do that again, list.

I don't want to give the impression that he wasn't competent, he was, and he liked doing this kind of stuff.  He had been an Air Force pilot, a good student in college and he was well informed on many subjects.  In business sessions he asked very perceptive questions and he was a very engaging social companion. But for  me, these were first time experiences and scary..  I might add, very scary.

We visited the only casino Nassau had at the time, it was small and it was only open for a short time period in January.  I went with him to the casino where he played roulette while I went to the (only) craps table.  In short order I lost the money I had allotted for the evening and  went to where he was at the roulette table.  I heard him ask the croupier, who had to keep track of chips and bets and make quick, correct  payouts to winners, "did he know the viscosity of the oil used on the roulette wheel's ball bearings?"   That was Paul, he had no concern for the quandary this put the croupier in.  Part of  his job was  to answer questions from the players.  The questions were usually like, how much was a stack of chips or which color chips were for which amounts of money....but, 'oil viscosity?'  Up to then I thought being a croupier was an easy job.  But that was Paul.  As for me I just tried to fade into the atmosphere.

I was grateful when an opportunity came and I was able to do a favor or two for him because using his apartment in NY had resulted in some very pleasant Big Apple memories for me and Rae and it had been  difficult for me to reciprocate.  But then, finally, when he asked me to go for a ride in the racing boat I confronted  him and asked him if he was deliberately trying to give me a heart attack or what? 

He didn't even know what I was talking about.

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Clinton



Bill Clinton

Let me try to get this right.  And keep it simple. In the 90's when Bill got elected, his economic proposal for the country passed congress and became law, without getting a single Republican vote.  You read that right . NOT ONE!!  Two years later, at election time, Newt's clever ideas convinced enough voters, Bill's economic plan, 'was the path to destruction' and all kinds of other dire stuff.  So the Republicans took voted in to controll congress, (Sound familiar?)  Perfect spot for Newt.  Anything bad was Bill's fault while he, Newt, was responsible for all good things.

But, before the rear ends of the new Republican congressmen could warm their chairs, the results from Bill's economic proposals, began to kick in, and become visible to the entire country.  Budgets began balancing, jobs began happening, and the country began running the way Republicans always say they want it to run.  (Will we ever learn? Will they ever actually do it?)    Newt?  He never missed a beat.  They were in control of congress weren't they?
Even the top Republican priority,  the disparity (gap)  between the wealthiest and lower income group, was increasing at a very fast clip. But Newt says,  
"Republicans are responsible for all these good things that are taking place."
"What about Bill?  The polls showed the people loved what  Bill had done."  
"He's termed out." 
He was.
So we listened to the lies and elected Dick Cheney, and others.  Did we learn our lesson.  Time will tell.

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OH SHIT !!!!!

I love the thought, 'this is what Rupert sees in his mirror'.

 

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Leyda & 10is

Pedro, Millie 

Millie was on the Beach High's tennis team and practice was starting at North Shore Park. Millie's sister Leyda came to practice and I asked her did she want to try out for the team. "I don't play tennis", she said.  It was very apparent she had a self image problem.  Sister Millie was not only on the tennis team she was a year younger, she was taller, they were both in the same grade and class and Millie's grades were better. Leyda took all these things as personal short comings.  I spoke to the coach and we mapped out a strategy to try to help her. When I asked her to go on the court, she refused at first but then she reluctantly agreed to try.  Her first time on the court went well and she was agreeable enough for us to make an appointment for her second lesson. 

Marc had finished high school a few years ago, he did not have a job  at the time but he knew most of the kids because along with Waldo they were the two best table tennis players in the park. Try as I would I couldn't get Marc to go on a tennis court.  He saw how the younger kids were playing, some very well, and he didn't have any confidence in his ability.  When I did a favor for him I insisted he come on a court for 10 minutes to repay the favor.  On court, #13, I suggested we play like ping pong.  "Its just a bigger court with a net and much larger balls."  That seemed to appeal to  him and then I said, 

"No hard shots, just get the ball over the net."   We stood way inside, close to the net and began to play points, and Mark won the game.

On Monday when team practice started, Leyda was there and I got her on court 13 and we started playing like ping pong too.  Marc was there so I called  him over and asked him to continue the game with Leyda while I made a phone call.  When I came back they had split 2 games and both of them were smiling and having fun.

It was much easier after that.  She got better quickly. In a short time she had a decent forehand, a back hand and a serve.  Coach Michelle helped by getting her involved and by having other team members, boys and girls, practice with her.  Then the coach said,

Millie, HGK, Leyda

"I have never seen anything like it.  Leyda just blossomed" She began mingling with the other kids in other activities and even played a game with Pedro, Millies' boy friend. And yes, she made the team.  And she got Marc to play with her so she could practice.  As a result his game also improved.
Marc also came on the court more willingly and one weekend when a fourth for an adult foursome didn't show, he filled in. It went so well he became a regular weekend doubles player and eventually assisted in teaching kids in the park's summer program.

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.

Economics 101(or less)

 


Tax out of their paycheck.

Say what?  Are you saying our biggest companies in this country, who make the most money, don't pay taxes?  Or practically no Taxes.(According to trickle down Republicans that's the American way.)  OK, but how the hell do they do it? 
Let me simplify and explain one way, which was told to me many years ago, 1974 I think, when I asked Jerry, my best friend and an officer for Reynolds & Company, (which, with progressions, morphed into Morgan Stanley)a simple question. 
"Jerry I just came back from the Bahamas and I have a question for you.  On Bay Street in Nassau there is a small building, it doesn't look much like an office building, and the walls of the outside of the building are covered with lots and lots of official company plaques.  As a matter of fact there are so many of them you can hardly see the walls of the building.  Those plaques show the names of some of our largest well known corporations."


Jerry, "You mean like U.S. Steel?" 
"As I matter of act  I think I did see  a plaque for U.S. Steel."
Jerry, "Look I got some work to do so if you don't interrupt me, I'll explain it to you. But don't interrupt me.  Goes like this, lets say a US corporation sells a $1million dollar shipment of their product out of the country to, say France.  The entire shipment including, shipping, labor, material and all other operating expenses cost them a half million, ($500,000.00).  Even you know if they don't  include the $500.000.00 profit in their income statement, it is not subject to income taxes.  Here is how they can do that because of a page in the tax code that was sponsored by lobbyists..
They form a Bahamian Corporation which becomes a subsidiary they own.  It can be in a building on Bay  Street with their plaque on the outside.  That's the building you saw.  Got it?  Keep quiet.   I'm  in a hurry.  They use this company as their foreign sales agent.  Then they tell the French company, the one they have this deal with, that the deal will be with their sales agent corp., in Nassau.  Next, they sell the shipment to the Bahamian.company who in turn sell it to the foreign buyer in France.  The Nassau company pays $501,000.00 to the parent US company ($1.000.00 taxable profit) for the shipment and they (Nassau) bill and receive $1,000.000.00 from the French buyer. Don't talk..  All the work, shipping,etc.,  occurs as a normal transaction for each company,   Result, the foreign sales agent makes $499,000.00 profit and since Nassau has no income tax." 
"What happens to the money?  The profit?"
"I knew you couldn't keep quiet.  Why do you think some of the biggest banks in the world have branches in Nassau and the Cayman Islands?  The money remains out of the US and if they invest it and earn interest, no taxes are paid on that either.  Until the U.S. company can think of ways to bring it back in without paying U.S. taxes.  Like say borrowing.  If they do that they even have a chance of charging themselves interest which is of course tax deductible. Or their lobbyists can get a bill passed to allow returning the money to the US at some low rate.   Now you can talk, I'm finished, but I do have to go."
"OK goodbye, thank you." 
Its a different story now, much more sophisticated, they now build complete facilities, infrastructure and all, and call them foreign companies, even if they own or control it.  That company,  legally, for U.S. tax purposes, is in a foreign land using much cheaper labor further reducing costs.  It can also lend money to the US company..  As an example you could take an entire business.  Say computer manufacturing.   Sell the whole shebang  to a foreign company and change the name of the product. That should complete the picture.  Now it looks like a product produced in the foreign country, say China, Korea, or India, which it is. But when it happened before it was recognized as a U.S. company. 
So that's the story of what businesses in this country are doing and where its  headed.  Are they creating more jobs here?.  No. Well a few new jobs, yes but all plant workers are in the foreign country..  More lobbyists are used to help stop regulations from stopping them and also to put new pages in the tax code.   All with the full cooperation and endorsement of  politicians who tell you how much they love the U.S.
P.S.  Today its much simpler. Building new factories and superstructure in foreign countries with money 'earned' in the good old US makes good business sense.  Patriotism? Just a word.

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What ???

 

Honey bee.

Scientists in the United Kingdom, searching for new ways to detect  bomb  making materials, came up with a great detection device.  Its used when searching local storage facilities or suspicious shipments from out of the country.  A new UK funded company, Insentinel, discovered how to sensitize the tongue (proboscis) of honeybees.  This is what the  honeybees use to gather honey.  When sensitized, the bees associate the scent of various explosive compounds with food.  And it only takes minutes to sensitive the bees.  After that they can detect scents with part-per-trillion sensitivity.


Using a hand-held infrared device with the latest technology, including a light emitting diode (LED), the device shoots out an IR beam (like the TV remote).  If the IR beam causes 17 or more bees, from a team of 36 bees, to stick out their tongues at the same time, an alarm goes off.  In British tests the device is much superior to present methods of bomb detection. 

I guess the bees go back to the hive at the end of a day's work.  And one assumes they get plenty of time for gathering honey and other bee activities.

This has me wondering if some of that sensitizing stuff hasn't rubbed of on me because every tine I hear some politician spewing horse poop I want to stick my tongue out and give them a razz-berry.

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AT&T

                                          

"Phone rings.  "Good morning is this Mr.Kaufman?"

Yes, it is."

"This is a customer satisfaction call from AT&T.  is there something you can call our attention to to improve our service to you?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes,  this is not a sales call.  Mr. Kaufman, we are compiling a list of things we can do to make our customers more satisfied with our service."
"Well, can I explain why I have a gripe and how I think it developed?"
"Yes.
"But, it may take a couple of minutes." 
"Of course Mr Kaufman, that's why I'm calling." 

"OK.  I know how hard AT&T works to improve their bottom line and including now when times are  very difficult.  So . . . .I can imagine the boardroom and  I can just hear the executive explaining his suggestion, "Charge card companies, banks and others who bill customers on a regular basis started charging late fees some years ago, seemingly without regard to the amount due and  if the fees were
considered interest charges, they would be very high indeed,  And not only that, in addition they would still charge the interest because it was two different charges. The point being, they have been doing this for so long now, complaints are now down to an ignorable range.  So I prepared this graph which shows the following.  Every month we have tens of thousands of customers who pay late.   If we would charge them a late fee of say $5.00 I don't think there would much resistance and if you times the amount of late payers by the fee and then times that by twelve months and then deduct the amount for a small number of lost customers . . . . I think you can see, happy stockholders."

"Mr. Kaufman . . ."
"Wait, please . . . for me personally I am investigating changing to another carrier because in my case I have 2 lines and recently you began sending me 2 separate bills.  Which means, when I came back from a trip to Atlanta and the bill came due while I was away, I was charged 2 late fees.  So I'm investigating changing to another company.  I will be comparing   DSL speed, fees charged for being late, both lines on one bill, and the monthly charges."
"Mr. Kaufman why don't you pay on-line? It will be so convenient and no more fees?"



"As a matter of fact I am going to put it on my American Express Card, but I'm not putting it on the for that reason.  I'm irritated at what they are doing to customers like and I know American Express charges AT&T a collection fee, which, by the way, you don't offer to me if I pay on time.   And, AMEX gives prize points that I can use to get gadgets from their catalog which may include can openers.  I just broke my old, favorite, reliable, can opener.  Thinking of AT&T  buying me a new can opener is making me smile."

I already have enough points for a can opener and because the  young lady was so nice (an excellent hire)  I think I'll take an extra month or so with my investigation.

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Santa

 

Gale, age 7



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Marsha's younger sister Gale, age 8,  who was 4 years younger than Marsha,  ran up to me as I got out of my car; "Daddy, daddy",
I could see deep concern in her eyes.
"What is it honey?"
Verna said there is no Santa Clause.
So, I got back into the car with Gale and explained.
Tears were rolling down that beautiful face and she said,
"Does Marsha know?"

Golf (Or politics?)

I was an officer of the local Miami Beach golf club, then Bayshore,  and I was late to the regular monthly meeting.  When I arrived I hear Hal Hertz say, "and so we will have to pay a 50% increase in the annual fee because its already in the proposed budget that way."  Everyone was groaning when I raised my hand. 

"How did they reach the amount from members in the proposed budget ?".  Hal says.

"They increased the fee by 50% and multiplied it by the number of members."

"What happens if we get one less than the current membership?  How do they make the loss up?"

Hertz, "It comes out of the general fund."

"Oh good.  Its simple then, no problem. We tell them we are going to have 50% more members.  We multiply the present fee by the anticipated  number of members for the coming year and the proposed budget figure will come out to the same number they have now.  If we don't get that many members, the shortfall comes out of the general fund."  The members thought this was a good idea, so we voted and next year's fee remained the same.
A year or two later, when I became president, and with me presiding at a board meeting,Hal makes a motion that we increase the family membership fees.  Everyone on the board had a single membership and after discussion it appeared it was going to be passed.  Speaking last, I said I was against it because it would be divisive and we should realize that next year they would want the fees for singles increased and the family members would then be on their side, with justifiable reason.  "And", I added, "I am going to post the minutes of this meeting on the men's and lady's bulletin boards stating the motion was made by Hal and seconded by . . . . ",    Hal raised his hand and withdrew the motion.

From left-Lenny Weinstien, Murray Sheldon, 
JudgeJerry Klein, Mayor Harold Rosen, HGK

When I was Tournament Director, Murray Sheldon, playing in a tournament, came off the 18th green and emphatically asked me how the hell did his opponent get such a ridiculous handicap.  It was easily 6 or 7 strokes too high, he said.  So later I posted the opponent's name as the winner of their  quarterfinal match.  When Murray saw the draw sheet he said,  "What's the hell is matter with you?  Why isn't my name up there.  I won that match."

Jitterbug

 

During the summer when I was a kid in Philadelphia, you could rent a street for the purpose of having a private street block party.  A promoter rented a street from the city close to where I lived. And then he rented out space on the street for stands, to sell  hot dogs, or spin-the-wheel games or whatever, and at the end of the row of stands, on the street, was a jukebox,  So you could dance right there in the street to swing music. Just put a coin in the jukebox and select your song. 
You couldn't help seeing this young teenager with her long pony tail and swinging rump, gyrating to music by Benny Goodman, or Glenn Miller, or Tommy Dorsey, or Jimmy Dorsey, or Woody Herman, etc.  



Rae,WOW!!

I didn't know Rae at the time but I think I was smitten.
Some years later I was in the corner drug store where I used the pay telephones to make my bets on sports games.   I overheard someone say Jake was going to ask this 'still a teenager' (Rae) for a date. I did not care for Jake.  I used a term then, as I do now for guys like him, ***hole.  And when I found out the teenager was Rae, it really bugged me.

The father of a good friend of mine, Alan, was the box office manager at the Schubert Theater on Broad Street, in Philadelphia.  It was our best local theater.  So I asked Mr. Franks if he could get me some tickets to the show in his theater.  As it happened the show was in the last two weeks on the road, before opening on Broadway.  Ethel Merman, the biggest musical comedy star of the time, was in it, it had  rave, smash hit reviews and it was sold out for almost two years in New York.  And I got 4 tickets.  Then I called and asked Rae a question she couldn't refuse,
"Did she want to go to the show?"   (Guys and Dolls) 

We had never met but she knew who I was,  And I had dated Bernice Polish, a good friend of her older sister.  God knows  how I got passed Bernice's review, but the date was made.

The ultimate result; I found out the meaning of ,

"Happily Ever After".

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