Nurse

If  you keep doing stupid stuff chances are you are going to pay for it.  Anyway I'm at my work bench fixing a computer and writing on a legal pad, you know putting down what came out of where so I know where to put it back.  All this with my shoes off.  What the hell, the work table is in my work room, in my own house.  So now the computer is fixed and I just  have to put the hard drive, which is already connected to the cable, back in its cubby hole. .  .  .  So I reach for it and the legal pad slides off the bench and bops me right on  the top of  my left tootsie (foot).                                                                     

About three day later a funny looking swelling appears and . . . .it hurts like, whooo oo.  Its Sabado so I drive to emergency where a resident doctor makes an incision and lets a lot of goo out and then he gets about a foot and a half of quarter inch wide White packing stuff which he forces under the skin.  I cant even feel anything because he used a needle to inject some  stuff a dentist uses before he pulls a tooth.    So I go home and the dentist stuff wears off.   It hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts.  I get some prescriptions. I am thinking maybe I should try to get some good stuff but I'm out of my element and wouldn't even know where to start looking.. Just my luck they would catch me and put my foot into the slammer.  But it still hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts.  Next comes a visit to the doctor, where I get some super care and a home nurse is scheduled  . . . .
The nurse calls me on the phone, her name is Michelle and she tells me she is coming to my  house..  So I watch through the blinds for her car, .  What's that?  That cant be the nurse, no way,  can it?  Yep.  I hardly remember which foot has the boo boo.  I'm floating, we introduce ourselves, her last name is something or other, and she's very professional.  We go  into my bedroom where I sit  up on my chaise with my legs stretched straight out in front of me.
She takes out a folder with papers in it and says sign here.




I'm tossed on saying I want to read it first, which would keep her here longer, or just signing so we can get to the foot holding part.  Holding wins and I sign on the dotted line, which only gets me to page two, then its, sign here, sign here and here and here and here, and then; sign here . . . .about 8 or 9 places with a coupla initials thrown in.  Now I raise my foot about 3 inches off of the chaise, in anticipation of foot holding, when she asks, do you have any allergies?  Damn . . more questions. My foot goes back down to the chaise.  What the hell, allergies?  Next a list of other do I haves,  like pressure and heart stuff and other nasty stuff, some of which I do have.  She finally gets through this list and then . . . . . . . she asks . . . . ." 
In the future when I meet the  head of the home health care people, I am going to suggest a list of questions  no nurse should  ever ask,  And, #1 on that list, is the one she just asked, this one should be eliminated altogether,  . . . I cant believe it.  What question could instantly restore reality to any man in his fifties, er  (sixties or seventies) and transform him to a patient, just like that? 
"Do you use a walker?"

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